Oh, Baby

So yeah, I had a pregnancy scare last week. Internet, I tell you it was a scare because I am not pregnant. So please stop knitting those booties, and planning those awesome virtual baby showers you were going to throw for me (although if you would like to send me some cash or Target gift certificates e-mail me, I'll be happy to give you my address). I've been really sick all week. A week full of headaches, nausea, and general ickiness. Seriously I don't remember ever feeling that bad, for that long in forever. I even left class early the other night, and I never leave class early. I'm just that nerdy.

The ickiness is most likely attributed to the fact that I'm not sleeping. I mean I almost got a full night's rest the other night, but I was awoken by screaming, fighting neighbors at 5.a.m. And when I heard the shouting, I couldn't just roll over and go back to sleep, no I'm too nosey for that. I needed to hear every, "I f***** HATE YOU, I F***** LOVE YOU, LEAVE, and I'M CALLING THE COPS (please do so I can go back to bed). So due to my neighbors who we will call "Mr. and Mrs. Obviously More Madly in Love than Any Other Couple in the Universe," my insomnia stretches on. I do see the the light at the end of the tunnel (and its not a train), but I've spent a lot of time feeling like I was hit by a wrecking ball that knocked me into a swimming pool full of sharks.

But there were some people out there (mean people in the business of freaking me out), who made me feel that nausea wasn't a symptom of insomnia. And then Adam casually mentioned, mostly as a joke, that I might be pregnant. WHAT KIND OF JOKE IS THAT. A real knee slapper, that one is. If I was pregnant, we would most likely have to move home. We are barely getting by now, so a move to the South, where the cost of living is much lower, would be in order. Plus as much as I think I want to have children in the future (maybe, hopefully, so not sure), I am definitely not ready right now. I am enjoying being young and married without kids for now. And there is no shoving that baby back inside after it pops out (awesome visual right?).

I want to say how honestly unlikely it would be that I was pregnant. We are really, really safe. Although I'm not going to say how because I don't want to hear your horror stories about how your friend's roommate baby mama got pregnant that way. I'm paranoid enough. Plus, who wants to hear about what old, boring, married couples do anyway? Also, I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) which makes everything a bit more complicated. This is why this pregnancy scare might make me seem slightly like a hypochondriac.

But before you dismiss me as a crazy nut ball, just know that I have seen every episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. And I've seen those women get pregnant because a man simply looked at them. So as soon as the pregnancy idea was rudely implanted in my brain, I turned to the almighty google. Typing in things like, "What are the odds you can pregnant while going down a slip & slide at 30 mph?" Kidding, but that is totally my new fantasy! I really was just googling symptoms, and the likelihood of getting pregnant with this form of birth control and PCOS. I quickly realized I was googling the same questions posed by 14 year old girls. Also, google did nothing to assuage my fears, it just served to make me more of a mess than I was before. 

I decided unless I wanted to be like one of those women on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, I better take a test. Or in a few months I would be popping out that baby on a boat, in the toilet, or maybe at a three-ringed circus. Which lead us to Target on Saturday, trying to decide on the merits of different pregnancy tests. Or I was trying to decide on a pregnancy test while Adam was in a another aisle pretending not to know me (he hates that aisle, what an awful baby daddy he would be LOL). I picked one out, and we got the other stuff we needed. But some reason I felt self-conscious about buying the test. Not that it matters, I'm 24 and married!

When we were checking out, Adam had put the test under some stuff, and I insisted on putting it front and center. So that she didn't remove the stuff, see the test, and think we were hiding it. Also, when she asked us how we were doing, I acted really chirpy, so she would think I was happy about this. Once we checked out, I decided I didn't want to take the test at Target because I wouldn't want to get the news there. So we went on our day, running all our errands. But about an hour later, I really had to pee. The logical side of me said that would be fine, I could go to the bathroom now, and take the test later. But the crazy side of me that rules my life, made me think if I didn't take the test now, I might never be able to pee again. So I had no choice.

The store we were at didn't have a bathroom, so I ended up sprinting across four lanes of traffic to use the bathroom at the Arby's. Super, super classy.  That would make a great story for our future offspring. It seemed like it took forever to get the results, but eventually it said, "not pregnant."

I wasn't as relieved as I thought I would be. Sure, I knew it was for the best. We don't have to move or put my academic career on hold. But a small part of me was kind of thinking about how wonderful it would be to be a mother. Not that I'm going to be jumping on the baby train anytime soon. But these maternal feelings were something completely new to me. I haven't always been certain I wanted to be a mother. So in a way, I'm kind of glad to know that the want to have a baby is somewhere within me. Even if it is buried WAY DOWN DEEP. Somewhere underneath my need to have a cocktail with dinner and sleep in on everyday ending in Y.