If You Are What You Eat, I Hope I Don't Start Quacking

I am by no means a picky eater, believe me. I can only think of a few foods that I absolutely can't stand. The only one I can think of off the top of my head is PEAS! And the word PEAS needs to be in all caps because they are that nasty. SKANKY even. Yes, PEAS are SKANKY. Take that PEAS. But I have had some semi-odd things. I ate squid in my sixth grade science class, and one side of my family is pretty redneckish so I've eaten a squirrel that was killed by them.

(Side bar here-my family actually gave me the tail of that squirrel to keep in the freezer, so when I went back home that summer to my mom's house, I wanted her to keep the squirrel tale in her freezer forever & ever & ever. So when she threw it out, I was so UPSET. Of course now I understand why she wouldn't want to keep a squirrel tail in the freezer next to her ice cream).

I live and die for sushi. All kinds of sushi. I crave sushi every second of everyday. I see sushi in my dreams dancing around in little sushi sized tutus. And when I write this on my blog, hit publish, and send it out on the great World Wide Web, I'm probably going to have an angry mob of PETA members and cute little duck lovers outside my door with pitch forks. I just hope Sarah will protect me. So, yeah, I have eaten baby ducks. Not only have I eaten baby ducks, but I have eaten baby duck skewers. I know that sounds really bad, but just hear me out. It was when I was on the trip to Israel, back in 08, when I tagged along on my mother's business trip. So while in Israel I ate my weights worth of hummus, and apparently baby ducks. One afternoon we were having lunch, and we didn't order from the menu. Instead the wait staff brought us out a bunch of dishes to share. And I'm a fat kid, so I didn't ask what I was eating. So there I am eating my baby ducks skewers, and I asked what I was eating and they told me. And that is when I kind of freaked out. Ugh.

But recently I've tried a lot of new things for the sake of cutting calories. Mainly California type things:

1. Fish Tacos 
Yeah, this might not seem so unusual, but I had never ever heard of fish tacos before moving to California. Personally, I like my tacos chocked full of fatty beef and beefy, fatty grease. Fish doesn't even have the texture or anywhere near the flavor or beef. That is no where near an easy swap. But I tried it after examining the calories the other day. And it's not half bad. It's not near as good, and I'll take my Taco Bell over that any day! But for now, it’s good enough. Sacrifice!

2. Avocado Sandwiches
Again one of those not so unusual things. But I never thought I would like avocados because of their texture. I'm really weird about the texture of things. I will not eat eggs because of the slimy, oozy, disgusting texture of eggs. Plus who wants to eat a food you don't really have to chew? Gross. I'm not old, I don't have dentures, so I have no reason to not like chewing my food. Also, I rarely eat untoasted bread slices because I hate, hate how bread feels. Don't even get me started on my napkin phobia. So one of the girls in my class was always getting these avocado sandwiches from the cafe at our school. And I always thought the smashed avocados looked like baby food. But the club sandwich I was always getting was not too healthy, so I bit the bullet and gave it a try. I loved it. All week long I look forward to my Thursday night class avocado sandwich. Yes, when I like a food, I get positively obsessed.

3. Ostrich Burgers

When I texted my mother, and I told her I had eaten an Ostrich Burger, she replied, "We need to get you out of California! Stat." Adam and I love to go to Fuddruckers, and when I wasn't dieting I could slam down one of those amazing burgers without batting an eyelash. But lately we go to Fuddruckers and we order the exact same thing and Adam manages to LOSE two pounds, while I manage to gain five pounds just by thinking about eating the burger. This is where I insert some comment about how unfair it is that it seems to be so much easier for men to lose weight than women. But that would make me sound bitter, now wouldn't it? So I decided to try the ostrich after reading a little bit about. It is a little chewier than a beef burger, but pretty good. So now at least I can go to Fuddruckers!

So is there anything that you guys have ever had to give up or swap out? What are some of your surprising food finds? I'm open to suggestions!

Jillian Michaels and Me Will Never Be Friends

Remember when  2010 was still all shiny and new? And I was full of gumption and gusto about my life, so I made out a list of ten New Year's resolutions? And for one of these resolutions I vowed to finally complete Jillian Michael's 30 day shred? If you don't know the 30 day shred is a work-out that involves strength, cardio, and abs, and there are three different levels. Each level takes 10 days to complete, and it is really a kick in the butt. When I made that goal, I was already on day six. But then on day 16, I came down with a sinus infection, and I had to quit. And it only took me five months to get back on that horse. But I just wrapped up Day 8 of Level One, and boy are my arms tired boy am I sore.

Jillian Michael's is all well and good when she is yelling at the contestants on The Biggest Loser and your watching with Ben & Jerry's ice cream in hand. But when she is trying to motivate YOU, it is a totally different story. I often find myself mouthing off to Jillian. First of all,  my least favorite exercise in the world is jumping jacks. I believe when Jillian Michael's was putting together the routines for the work-out, she thought to herself, "What can I do that will torture Brittany the most?" Because she put five sets of jumping jacks in level one alone! During the warm-up, she says that if you are looking for a modified version of the jumping jack, to look else where (when I typed that sentence, I swear I heard her voice reverberating in my head). The first time she said that I thought, "Fine, Google is my best friend, so I'll find the modified jumping jack on Google! That will show you!" But I was thinking it in the same tone of voice I used in middle school when my mother asked me to dust my room , and I hollered,"You are ruining my life!" And my friends, my mom was totally ruining my life. Dusting is for sissies. But I didn't look up the modified jmping jack, because secretly I believed that somehow she would just know I cheated. And I don't know what happens when you disobey Jillian, but I don't want to find out.

But really to me, the worst part of  level one is the first cardio circuit. It combines the two hardest moves for me, the evil, diabolical jumping jacks and jumping rope. Oye, enough with the jumping already! Even though I've gotten through it every time before, I spend the whole time working up to that interval, panicking a little bit.  And I think it is because my fat cells are triggering my fight or flight reflex. See me and my fat cells have been friends for a really long time. A REALLY LONG TIME. And they know that they are on their way out, and they are scared.  So they are whispering in my ear, "You Don't Really Want to Do This Do You? Why Don't You Quit Now and Order and a Pineapple & Canadian Bacon Pizza Instead?" Gee, I wish I hadn't just thought about pizza because now I want pizza.

I'll be moving on to level two in two days. I'm scared and excited at the same time. But if I remember right, there are jumping jacks in that one too. Damn you, Jillian Michaels, Damn you!