The Surprise Party (or a million different ways to deceive your husband)

Adam is not a big fan of his birthday. This has always blown my mind, because how can you not love your birthday? Especially at our young ages. I adore my birthday; in fact I call myself a birthday whore. I start the countdown on May 1st (6 days to go!), and celebrate pretty much all month long. When we first started dating, I had to drag his birthday date out of him. I basically wore him down after begging and whining for a few weeks. Adam also never tells any of his coworkers that it is his birthday; he claims he doesn't like the attention. But I always assumed he was just full of a whole bunch of bull hockey, and secretly was jealous of my birthday whoring ways.

I decided I wanted to do something big for him this year. I first thought about throwing a surprise party at the house, but actually that seemed too big. Plus, I happened to have class on that night, and all these people left hanging out in my house while I'm not home, kind of gave me the heebe jeebes. What if they found all the dead bodies in the closet? That would be embarrassing! So I came up with another plan, a surprise lunch party. This would involve a lot of sneaking around on my part.

First, I had to get into contact with some of Adam's friends at work and rat him out, without him knowing. So I combed through all my sent e-mails to Adam (a monumental task since we e-mail each other quick notes a million times a day, our relationship is defined by oppressive codependence), and find some email that I had replied to that he had forwarded to the majority of his coworkers. I told them about how Mr. Cranky Pants doesn't ever tell anyone about his birthday, and that we should have a party for him. So we came up with the plan that on his birthday his coworkers and him would all head out to lunch (as they often do), not saying anything about his birthday, and I would already be there with cake, balloons, and the whole nine yards.

I sat on this information for over a week, and that nearly killed me. It's hard to keep this big mouth closed. I really played it up as well. I told him I was disappointed about having to put off our planned birthday celebration (a home cooked meal) for a day because I had class. I then had to contact Adam's mother to get a recipe for his favorite cake (chocolate with peanut butter icing). But I had told Adam I wouldn't have time to pull off, so I wasn't going to bake him a cake at all. I lied about not being able to buy him a birthday present, when I had already bought him an awesome present. And I knew Adam would never catch on to the surprise party, because I can be painfully shy. He would never imagine I would contact his coworkers and his family.

On the morning of his birthday, I woke up extremely early and went shopping for birthday supplies. I then started baking the cake at 9. That is the earliest I've ever baked a cake in my life. I must be the messiest baker in the world, because by the time I was done I had chocolate on the floor, wall, electrical outlets, and even in my hair. And honest to Bob I don't know how that happened. I then found out that homemade peanut butter icing is labor intensive and nerve-wracking. It takes a really long time to mix powdered sugar and peanut butter together! You know why? Because peanut butter is sticky, so if you use an electronic mixer IT STICKS TO IT. So I had to spend a half hour hand mixing that sucker.

When it was time to go to the restaurant, I packed everything up, and then parked a good mile away from the pizza place because I was scared he would see my car. After I set everything up, I sat in my seat just freaking the eff out. My brain doesn't recognize the difference between excitement and anxiety. So instead of being excited, I stared at my watch feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Finally they arrived and I hid in the corner of the room as they approached. I assumed everyone would automatically head to the table with the balloons, but no they were walking straight towards me, and TALKING to me LOUDLY. I started frantically pointing to the table, and thank Bob my husband is so clueless because he never saw me standing there in my bright pink shirt!

I snuck up on him from behind (that’s what she said), and I think it took him a while to put it all together because he kept starring at me like I was a mirage. A smoking hot mirage, but still a mirage. We had such fun, and I could tell that Adam was really happy. At the end of the meal, the waitress brought out the cake (the second surprise), and I made him blow out his candles like he was a kid. I then presented him with a note. I told him that just because stupid UPS didn't care about his birthday, didn't mean he didn't get to know about his gift. I then drew a picture of a guitar that looked slightly like a snowman with a railroad track going over it. Because I got him Rock Band 2!

I have been talking Adam out of getting Rock Band 2 for over a year now, because I felt it wasn't something we really needed.  So you can imagine his shock that I actually bought it for him. We've been playing Rock Band some with friends now. I'm always the vocalist, Adam is on drums, Luther is on guitar, and Sarah is the subwoofer (Get it, our dog is the subwoofer!)

It really was a special day, and I'm glad I pulled it off. Later that day he sent me an e-mail that said, "I literally am in awe of everything you’ve done for me today. If I had had any idea pretending to not like my birthday would get me all this, I’d have done it a long time ago. As it is, it really has been the best birthday I’ve ever had, and it was because of you. You treat me better then I deserve, maybe, but I am grateful. I love you so much, and I hope Rock Band doesn’t come between us…."

Now that Adam's Birthday is over we can get back to the most important things in life like... planning for my birthday!

The Paper Anniversary

 

Today I have been married a year. I really can't even begin to explain how much that really blows my mind. Adam and I sometimes relive moments from our little, sweet, perfect for us, outdoor, spring wedding. There were the funny moments, like how everyone that went to the bathroom, got locked in the bathroom. Including our best man who was locked in the bathroom by the flower girl, who then left! Then there was the most aggressive "wedding cake in the face"" scene in the history of weddings.

But I really remember the sweet moments, watching him pace around nervously outside while the girls got ready upstairs, the way my heart was beating out of my chest right before the music started, and the moment I saw his face down the aisle. He still tells me how amazed he was at how beautiful I looked. I remember dancing with him to Feels Like Home, the song that describes how I feel about our relationship to a tee. And when we got to the hotel room, our friends had filled our room with rose petals, champagne, and the flower centerpieces from the wedding. I popped open the champagne bottle, and the cork bounced of the ceiling. And then we talked, laughed, and cried because we were so happy.

We have known each other for 11 years now, and not much in our history says, "Those two are going to get married someday." But if I'm completely honest with myself, I have to admit that I loved him even back then. It is a long and winding story, that one day I should tell. A story that to me really proves that if it is meant to be, it will happen.

When we finally decided to give this thing a go, for real, it was absolutely terrifying for me. I wasn't sure I even wanted marriage. I had never been exposed to a healthy marriage. Marriage was something that seemed to always end badly, leaving many hurt people behind in its wake. Even when we were first engaged and living together, I just wasn't sure if this was a smart choice. Some days my heart was all in, but my head was halfway out the door. If we had the tiniest of fights, I worried I was getting in way over my head. I was not a commitment phobe so much as a girl with a huge fear of divorce.

I can't say what exactly shifted when we got married. But something definitely changed. After the wedding, we went back the same routines. We went to work, we came home, we did the same things we had done for the last year. But it just felt so different. I stopped questioning, I felt more safe and secure than I had ever been. It was as if I finally understood what it meant to be quietly content with my life.

This morning I'm waking up in Washington D.C. on our long overdue honeymoon. We are about to head out to go paddle boating in the Potomac river surrounded by hundreds of Cherry blossom trees. And I can't help but sit here in awe about how rich my life has turned out to be, especially after all the heartbreak of my childhood. Girls like me don't always get so lucky. Time and time again I see girls who grew up with mean/abusive/absent fathers choose men just like their fathers. Hoping they can rewrite their own histories.  But I found a man that is the exact opposite of my father. I don't know how I got here, or why I deserve this happiness, but I'm just so thankful.

If you can find the one person who loves you for who you are, doesn't try to change you, and puts up with all your bullhockey.  Marry them and don't let them get away.

The Duplex (minus Drew Barrymore)

So the first time I mentioned to Adam that it might be a good idea for us to look for a new place to live just to lower our expenses, he looked at me like I had just turned into a pumpkin. People there is no one in this world that hates change more than my husband. Getting him to change his mind is like getting my grandmother to realize that it is wash, washing machine, and Washington D.C., and not WRASH, WRASHING MACHINE, and WRASHINGTON D.C. And believe me, that would be a herculean effort. She's from Kentucky y'all. (I love Kentuckians, I was just joking).

Immediately he said, "But I thought you liked this place!" I mean, duh, I love this place, it was the first place that we picked out together. But when we moved in, we had always planned that I would find a 9-5 job. However, I only ever found part time work, which in a way I'm happy about. If I had gotten a full-time job, I would have gotten comfortable, and would not have decided to go for my master's degree. So we are making the bills, but we don't have a lot left over for many fun things or to save for our future & honeymoon (which just happens to be to WRASHINGTON, D.C. (Oh, the conversations I will have with grandma!) I dropped the subject, hoping what I had said would eventually sink into that stubborn head of his.

I brought the subject up a few weeks later, and he was still dead set against it. But then one morning I stumbled out of bed to find an email from Adam at work that said, "You can rub this in my face till the end of time, but I think you were right about moving..." When I read "you were right," a million angels appeared and starting singing Hallelujah! (True Story). I decided to be the bigger person and not do the, "I'm right and you were wrong dance." Well....I didn't do it when he was at home.

Adam began the hunt, and turned up nothing. Because there is one type of discrimination that is overlooked in this world, and that is golden retriever discrimination. Sarah is the kindest, sweetest, most well-behaved, most well-trained, and laziest dog in the whole world. She sleeps all day, doesn't bark, and would never bite. But try telling a landlord that an 85 lb dog won't be any trouble, and then watch their head spin around and around . The big problem I have with people not wanting to let their renters have big dogs is this: little dogs can be just as/or more destructive than big dogs. So all our conversations with prospective landlords went like this, "She is a big dog, but just hear me out..." My dog she comes with a disclaimer.

I had lined up 3 appointments to see some places that would take Sarah (who gets it done, I do). The first place we saw was a beautiful 1920's duplex. It had beautiful laminate floors, newly painted walls, and faux marble floors in the kitchen. There is a place to park behind the house, so we no longer have to deal with street parking. It is nicely shaded, so it never gets very hot. It has this cute/funny little dining nook in the kitchen that actually contains a booth from an old Subway shop. Sounds weird, but it is pretty cute. We took the house.


So apparently I have a knack for finding green houses, and the outside looks a lot like our old cottage.

Living Room View One.

Living Room View Two

Kitchen View One (I took Sarah with me so she could check out her new home. She approves)

Kitchen View Two with Dining Nook and Sarah's tail. The white splotch is a paint splatter that we have cleaned up.

Bedroom View One.

Bedroom View Two.

365 days ago (give or take):

I hiccuped for 30 minutes straight; I hiccuped through the phone call to Adam in which I told him about the spider as big as my FIST that I let get away (I wasn’t going to tell him the actual size of the spider, it would make the story seem less TRAUMATIZING). I had to remind him that because I had let the spider get away, when I went to bed that night I wouldn’t be able to sleep because I would imagine I felt that spider crawling on me all night long.

I have trouble sleeping the night after I see a spider STILL, I always feel like they are crawling all over me.

Back at Square One

The other night my school gave this to me to sign, and I found it really funny. I know they were trying to use some kind of cheesy tool for motivation, but it seemed very kindergarten. I have to wonder though-is this a legally binding contract? The worst part is that I'm getting a MFCT not a MSFT. I can't believe I wrote the wrong degree! Oh brother. As you might have guessed from this picture or from my tweets, the other night was my first night of grad school.

I was really nervous the day before my first class, which honestly isn't that much different than any other day for me. I left the house two hours before class started even though it was only a 15 minute drive. I was convinced this would be the one time that my GPS failed me. I would not get to my class on time, and this would make me ultimately flunk out of school. Adam would divorce me because I was a big fat loser, and I would become a hippy nomad, who never ever got to see an episode of The Real World again.

Because of my zealous over planning, I was naturally the first one there. So I got to watch everyone as they came in. I then started playing a little mind game, “Do they look smarter or dumber than me?" I don't usually play games like this, I rarely judge people in my everyday life. But when you are feeling like one big fuzzball of inadequacies, insecurities, and feelings that you may be about to derail your life, IT HELPS. Err it helps until person after person looks like they could be rocket scientists, and it makes you feel like you should give up on life right then. But finally someone walks in that you could possibly beat in a spelling bee, and for a brief moment everything is OK.

Of course most of my anxieties about class turned out to be silly, but isn't that the story of my life? I waste entire days worrying about everything that could go wrong, and none of that ever happens. And even though I'm relieved nothing bad happened, I kind of wish it had, so my crazy irrational side could finally turn to the sane side of me and holler, "I TOLD YOU SO."

My first class in some ways made me feel better about the next three years and in other ways worse. It is going to be a long, long road definitely, but it is something I feel that I can handle. "Anything worth having comes with trials worth withstanding..."

.

365 days ago (give or take):

The best thing about being rich would have to be that you are no longer considered “weird.” When you are rich they just call you “eccentric.” So I could walk down Pacific Coast Highway with my underwear on my head, and no one would put me in a straight jacket.

I had a tag on my toe.

He's Here!

William Cade Ford a.k.a Caden
5lbs. 14 oz. (but still healthy)

19 inches

1:33 p.m. CST

June 22nd, 2009

They had decided to induce my sister-in-law a week early for reasons I don't really know. I knew they were going to induce her at 6 a.m. CST this morning. I was still awake when it began, and I really considered not going to bed. But I knew I couldn't be there for the birth, and it would be hours before he was born. So I went to bed, and when I woke up I had tons of text messages and a new nephew. My youngest niece Kayla had literally given me a play by play, "Her water broke!" "She is 7 cm dilated!" and finally I got this one.

I wanted a picture of the text, because really that is the best text message ever. I was really young when my nieces were born, so this is the first birth that I can vividly remember. I'm so blessed. I'm kind of bummed though, I can't see him until at least Thanksgiving

.

365 days ago (give or take):

Adam didn't want to jump up and hurt the computer. So he is bellowing loudly at me, "Get up and turn it down, get up and turn it down!" But of course I’m cowering under the covers and ignoring him.

Adam saves me from another disaster.

Oh The Places You'll Go: The Sequel

Last week I applied to Graduate school, and I got in! I rock at life obviously. I am unbelievably excited, but also unbelievably terrified. My first class, which starts at the end of June, is a six-week long mental evaluation to determine if I'm sane enough to be unleashed to counsel the public. What if they give me an ink blot test and I tell them I see a polar bear balancing on top of the leaning Tower of Pisa, and from that answer they determine I hate my mother and kick me out of the program? Oh so many new things for me to spend my next two and a half years of my life worrying about!

365 days ago (give or take):

Lark spilled her guts about how she had been hiding the McDonald’s cups in her room under her bed. She did this so we wouldn’t know how often she had been splurging on fast food. Frankly none of us really cared about her love of the big mac. I’m a fan of the Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese myself, which is evident by my thunder thighs.

Oh the secret life of MUW girls.

The Best Day

There is a lot I want to say about the wedding weekend, from the rehearsal dinner to the joint bachelor/bacheorlette party. Like how at one point we had so many people in the car that Jamison had to ride in the trunk on top of several suitcases. And once I was with Adam's family, when we encountered a man with such a deep Southern accent that they couldn't understand what he was saying, I watched as his cousin's face dropped in shock, before I had to step in to translate. And on Friday night Adam and I were meeting with the minister, right before the rehearsal started, when my flower girl, Chloe, walked up and asked her mother who I was talking too. Her mother told her I was talking to the man who was going to marry me. Chloe thought I was marrying the minister, a MUCH older gentleman. So she freaked out and every five minutes she would say, "SHE CAN'T MARRY HIM, WE HAVE TO GO TALK TO HER." But for now, I really just want to skip to the main event. There would be a million things I could say, but I just want to share some best moments.

I woke up on Saturday and the first thing I did was put on the perfume beautiful. Because when I was growing up that is what my mother always wore. The smell always reminds me of all the wonderful times I had with my mother, and brings back all the best things about childhood. While I was driving to my grandmother's house to pick up the dress & bridesmaid's gifts, "Keeper of the Stars," by Tracey Byrd came on the radio. I haven't heard that song in years; it is my mother's and stepfather's song. That made me tear up.

That morning I sat around the salon talking to my bridesmaids, and we reminisced about our favorite stories. We teased each other about how crazy everyone looked in rollers and under the dryers. I was reminded about why and just how much I love my friends. This is the place it finally hit home, "This is my wedding day."

The weather was spectacular, the house was decorated gorgeously. The tables looked elegant, the gazebo was stunning. I went upstairs to get ready, and my mother put on my make-up. My sister-in-law helped me with my petticoat, my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids pulled me into my corset. My Aunt Dawn did my hair, and a family friend, Tina, put on my garter. Everyone was milling around getting ready, waiting on me hand and foot. I talked to my mother-in-law and she told me Adam was pacing around outside. Soon it was show time, and a guy friend Austin helped me down the stairs with my train (I'm not supposed to tell y'all that). Everyone lined up and for the first time I felt nervous.

My mother and father both walked me down the aisle. When I first saw Adam, he nodded at me, and that was one of the most blissful moments of my entire life. The preacher asked who giveth this woman, and at that very moment my 15 month old cousin hollered loudly. Everyone laughed. And then my father said, "Her mother and I do." We exchanged our vows, and I did get a little choked up. We then exchanged the rings and the preacher announced we were husband and wife, and we kissed like there was no tomorrow. The minister then said, “What God has brought together, let no man tear asunder."

After doing the receiving line, and taking some pictures, everyone went inside to get a bite to eat. Adam and I both ate dinner (sorta), we were too keyed up to really pay attention to what we were eating (baked chicken, meat loaf, southern green beans, mashed potatoes). My advice to brides-to-be? Get a to-go plate from the caterer to take with you to the hotel. Next, we lit the unity candle, and then our best man & maid-of-honor gave touching speeches for the champagne toast. Jenny's speech almost made me cry. Then it was time for the part I've been looking forward to for months...cutting the cake.


My mother didn't want me to do the shoving cake in the face thing, because of my dress. So I told her not to watch. I knew I was going to do it, and I told Adam to go for it. And that is what we did, and once wasn't enough, we got each other three times at least. It was a wedding day food fight! He got it in my eye, and I got it up his nose.
After the cake cutting, it was time to get the party started. But first Adam and I had our dance. I had chosen the song Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk. A song that truly explains how I feel about Adam. I thought I would be self conscious dancing with everyone watching me, but I really did feel like we were alone on the dance floor.

Then we did the dollar dance to "Hungry Like the Wolf." It turned into a mini- competition between Adam and me (who could get the most money). Adam made one more dollar than I did. Boo. I danced with almost every guy there, in fact one of the groomsmen tried to stop anyone else from dancing with me. And at one point I looked down to find the ring bearer holding up a dollar. So precious. And the flower girl wore all the guys out! Chloe's form of dancing involved repeatedly hopping around, so the groomsmen all took turns with her. After it was all over, Chloe was going around telling everyone that, "She danced with all the boys there..."

When things settled down a bit, I finally got to dance with my father. It really doesn’t matter why, but my father and I have been estranged for a number of years. So at first while we danced it was only small talk, and then it turned to more serious talk. And my father told me he loved me, something I really needed to hear. And then I bawled like a baby, it really just felt like a fresh beginning. A much needed fresh beginning.

One of the last things we did was the bouquet/ garter toss. All weekend long we had been mercislessly teasing our friends Jana & Austin (pictured above), who have been dating for quite a while, and who are a tad bit commimtment phobic. So I told her I was going to toss the bouquet straight to her. I was only kidding, but she actually caught it! So after that Austin announced, "The bouquet means nothing!" Then when we did the garter toss, all the boys bolted as soon as it was thrown. So no one caught it. I think they must all sit around comparing non-marriage notes. Men!

When it was time to leave, everyone lined up with their bubble bottles that were shaped like champagne bottles. We hugged everyone goodbye, and then we ran and jumped into my mom’s car that was decked out. The whole trip home people were honking and waving. When we got to the hotel, two little girls were waiting to see the bride come out of the car. I gave them a big hug, and I felt like a princess.

We were told our room wasn’t ready for us, I didn’t know what was going on, but they told us to wait 10 minutes before going upstairs. So while we were waiting for the room to be ready, I sat around feeling like a pastry puff. I ran into my cousin Samantha and her daughter Cammie (who was a junior bridesmaid in the wedding), and found out she had been walking around pretending to be me. So cute. Finally we got to go upstairs, and we saw flower petals leading up to the door. Once we got inside there were flower centerpieces from the wedding everywhere, candles were lit, and champagne was sitting on the coffee table. It was stunning. I opened the bottle of champagne, and the cork hit the ceiling. And this is where all descriptions end…

Launch Wedding Photos*
These are some great unedited photos my dad took; this isn't all the pictures I have. But a good amount, so check it out. (Just click on the photo of Adam and me to see them all).

365 days ago (give or take):

I mused out loud, “I wonder how they got the penguin to stand on top of the polar bear?” No one really said anything because they really thought I was just kidding.

I'm so cute when I'm clueless.

Das Soup

Adam and I have really different TV viewing habits. When I get home from work, I want to watch something fluffy & really bad like America's Next Top Model or The Secret Life of the American Teenager (that show would make a great drinking game, just do a shot every time someone says “baby”). I will also confess to knowing a humiliating amount of knowledge about every castmate that ever set foot on The Real World. While I’m watching TV, Adam usually wears headphones and messes around on his laptop. This is because he has trouble keeping his snarky comments to himself. I don't mind his snarky comments really, they are always hilarious, but he talks over the dialogue (which drives me nuts). Luckily I have DVR or I would never get to know what crazy thing those Rock of Love Bus girls just said.

Adam loves shows like 24 and Lost. I like 24, but Lost makes my head spin round. I know it’s supposed to be mysterious and a little bit confusing, but it really gives me a headache. And if you can keep up with that show I bow down before your mighty intellect. This is what I ask every Wednesday night, "Why did the plane crash? Was he on the Island before? Where is the Island? Why are the going back? How can it be the 1970’s? There are too many questions! Oh I give up!" Then I go to the bedroom and read. But there is one show we both love to watch together, which is The Soup on E! with host Joel McHale.

We call it "Das Soup", but we add that German pronoun to a lot of things, sometimes we call Sarah "Das Baby". Yeah we're weird. In case you don't know The Soup is a show that takes crazy clips from TV shows throughout the week, plays them, and then makes fun of them. Even if it is a show you LOVE, you can't help but laugh about the inane clips they show. At the end of the show Joel McHale tells where he will soon be doing his stand-up routine, and about a month ago he mentioned he was coming to Long Beach. Adam and I thought that was cool, but we really didn't think we would be able to afford to go.

If a comfortable cushy salary can be compared to a loaf of bread, and I was still living in Alabama, where the cost of living is low, my current salary would be like a few slices. But if I take that same salary and throw it in with the high California cost of living, and my new grown-up expenses (being a grown-up STINKS), then I'm making crumbs. But Adam is good with money, which is a blessing because I’m notoriously bad with money, and we do ok. But we don't have a ton of money left over for many luxuries. I really wanted go see Joel McHale with Adam though, so I scrimped & saved for a month, and last week I finally got to tell Adam that I was able to buy us the tickets. He was so happy and so surprised. He said he didn't know I could keep my mouth shut that long. LOL.

Friday night we got all dressed up, I even wore heels, and I only fell once! And it wasn’t down the stairs, like I’ve done so many times before. This is the reason I’m wearing flats at the wedding, that and I don’t want to be the jolly green giant. Chris Porter, a finalist from Season 4 of Last Comic Standing, was his opening act. He was great; his riffs on Southern California life were not only hilarious but so true. Then Joel McHale came out and he was ten times as funny as he is on TV, and looked a whole lot skinner. He did a lot of things he does on his show like making fun of Ryan Seacrest and Tyra Banks. Tells of the celebrities he has made mad on the Soup (Tyra Banks, Paula Abdul, and Mama Kardashian). He even joked about twitter, which had me rolling because I love twitter.

He also talked about other things like his wife & kids. “My son is so cute, I just love him so much, and it’s so hard to hit him.” The only other comedian I’ve ever seen live is Jay Leno. It’s one of the things my mother and I did on my 21st birthday trip to Las Vegas. Joel McHale was just as good, if not better than he was. It was a really wonderful date night.

365 days ago (give or take):

Little old me going to the Middle East, who would have believed it? I’m leaving on a jet plane, heading to an entirely different world than the one I’m leaving behind. See you when I return.

II get ready to go to Israel. That trip was nothing short of amazing. I just realized I never wrote about my last day there, which was the best day (Old Jerusalem). I guess I’ll go write about day 5 and add it retroactively. That will be up in a few days.

Bridal Shower Mayhem

All Decked Out

Last Sunday was my Bridal Shower, but most of my friends came in a day early so we could hang out and have some fun. All day Saturday everyone made me walk around wearing a wedding veil, a garter, and a pin that says, "I'm the Bride." (Watch out guys that look will be appearing on the Paris runways in no time) . No one seemed to notice while we were in David's Bridal, but in Best Buy I really started getting some funny looks. I could tell everyone was thinking, "Don't make eye contact with the crazy lady, oh god don't make eye contact with the crazy lady, OH NO the crazy lady is making eye contact WITH ME " I was adjusting to looking like a Ms. Havisham wannabe, when my mom started going around yelling, "Help! My daughter needs a husband...... and she has a huge dowry." Oh mother dearest how I love thee.

The Girls

That night we decided to go eat at P.F. Changs which just happens to be in a fancy, smancy part of Huntsville called Bridgestreet. You see Bridgestreet likes to pretend it is Venice, and it even has gondolas & gondoliers. But the gondolas weren't running, because they had drained the water for cleaning. If they really wanted to be Venice, they would never clean that water. Because when I was actually in Venice, I remember wondering what would happen if the boat tipped over & I was hurled into water-would the bacteria make me radioactive? Or at the very least would it give me the plague?

Clark, Moe, and Jenny at the Bar

You can not make reservations at P.F. Changs, so my mother and a family friend went on ahead of us to put our names down on the list. By the time we got there, we still had an hour and a half long wait in front of us. So what can 14 people in their early twenties do to pass the time? Hit the bar of course! We all crowded into the bar, compressed like a can of biscuits. The problem was we kept getting in everyone's way (or I should say the manager's way). He kept telling us we were fire hazards because we were blocking the exit door. Which was silly-because if a fire broke out we would no longer be blocking the door, we would be high tailing our assess out of there.

The Duck!

The manager had just gotten on to us for the 100th time, when I turned around to smile for a picture, and my gangly elbows knocked a glass off the bar. It shattered. My first thought was Praise the Lord, that wasn't my fabulous drink, and then OMG the manager is going to kill us now. However that kicked the manager's butt into gear, and he said he was going to get us a table. Five minutes later we were seated (an hour and 15 mins ahead of schedule). He said it was because I was getting married tomorrow (I was still wearing the veil). I didn't have the heart to correct him. Ok that’s a lie, I just wanted our table! Plus we all knew it was not because of my impending marriage, we were just annoying him. So lesson learned-be as obnoxious as possible & get seated right away! By the way, pictured above is a duck. Not only a duck but the VIP duck. This very important duck parties harder than all the other ducks combined!

Ana's "Apples"

A few cocktails, and one huge meal later we waddled (and I do mean waddled) down to the chocolate crocodile for dessert. I have never seen so much chocolate in my entire life. There were pinafores and cheesecakes and cookies Oh My! But best of all they had many different flavors of dipped apples (like caramel apples). I bought a white chocolate dipped apple covered with sprinkles (I would have taken a picture of it, if I wasn't so busy guarding it with my life). Seriously- anytime I would lose sight of my "precious," I would demand to know the whereabouts of my apple. And as the night progressed and I got even tipsier, I was losing it all the time, so I kept yelling, “Where’s My Ball?” I wasn’t even trying to be dirty. Gosh, I'm such a fat kid.

Austin & Jana

Earlier in the evening my friend Anna told me that our other friend Ana (are you confused yet?), that she wanted to buy me some lingerie from Victoria's Secret. I told her, "oh how cute, how naive, she thinks us big girls can fit into things from Victoria's secret." LOL. And as my friend's boyfriend, Austin, helped me decide between appletini or juiced berry scented body lotion (a totally heterosexual activity), Ana actually found a thong in my size and surprised me with it later. When she gave it to me, I immediately put it on my head because isn't that what thongs are made for?

Lark Hula Hooping

The party continued back at the hotel, because we had stopped by the liquor store so as Austin put it, “The designated drivers could catch up.” We decided to break out the Wii fit, and mostly played the hula hoop game-which was a blast. The game cracks me up because when you mess up, the avatars on screen act as if you killed their puppy. Clark, my friend's boyfriend, got up there to hula hoop and I will never forget it. He twirled & twirled with his hands on his hip and believe me that boy's HIPS DON'T LIE. There was a moment while he was playing, that his girlfriend yelled, "I love you Clark!" There was a long pause, and finally Amanda piped up, "I hope that wasn't the first time you said that." Luckily it wasn't. I only wished I had taped Clark "Magic Hips" Hilton in action, so I could watch it when I am having a bad day.

Cheesin' it Up

The next day was the shower, it was at a country club, and we had a really relaxed time. I saw even more people that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I got a lot of great gifts, too many to name. And I got over my unwrapping gifts in front of people anxiety (which is right up there with my getting crushed to death in a revolving door fear). It was sad to say goodbye to all my friends, I have missed them all so much. But I realized how many people I have in my life that love me, I am truly blessed. However I left the alcohol I bought in Jana's car. Bummer. So when I got back to California I sent her a text that said, "Enjoy my booze you ho bag." The rest of the pics are on my flickr.

365 days ago (give or take):

And besides my “mood elevators,” how can I pay for the ER trips for all the ERASERS I'm bound to shove up my ear? Yes I did get an eraser stuck in my ear at 17. That is a long story that makes me look like a bimbo.

I worry about my impending loss of health insurance, and I compare my mom to Joan Crawford. I'm a WONDERFUL daughter. Plus best entry title ever.

Just Say No To Wedding Dress Butt Bows

So when Adam popped the question last March, and we chose a date, it was 13 months away. That seemed like a lifetime away. But before I knew it the wedding was two months away, and I realized I didn't even have my dress. And all my mother's coworkers began feeding her horror stories about wedding dress shopping and how incredibly hard it would be. This led my mother to freak out and drive me crazy (as she does often). So I told her, "I Got This" just like I had my 4th grade science project. The one I did in one night, which placed above my best friend’s who worked on hers for weeks (that may just be why we are not friends anymore).

Last weekend my mother flew up to help me find my dream dress. Standing outside of the dress store right before it opened, surrounded by about 15 other brides, I wouldn't say I was excited but I would say I was struck with complete terror. Was this going to turn in to some kind of blood bath? Brides-to-be cat fighting over the perfect dress? Like the bloody, more violent sequel to Bride Wars. But the doors finally did open, and yes the brides did swarm-but luckily I had an appointment. When I sat down with my consultant, Claudia, she asked what I had in mind. I told her I had absolutely no idea, and I'm sure she thought this was going to be a long morning. I was able to decide that I wanted white instead of ivory. And that I wanted something that might cover up my arm flab (sometimes I wonder if I flap my arms hard enough, would I fly away?) That and I wanted no butt Bows! Who in the world invented the butt bow?

I told Claudia I was pretty much open for anything. So she went out dress browsing, and my mother got to work trying to cut off the oxygen flow to my brain by pulling me into a corset. Then I put on my slip and I looked like Olga the milk maid (When you read “Olga the milk maid” make sure you read it in a thick, Scandinavian accent). I had a problem filling out the corset in the upstairs department.*cough* I have never ever filled out anything in that department. Claudia told me to lean over and push everything up. I really thought this wouldn't work, hey I know my body, but when I stood back up I had boobs! You don’t understand what a monumental statement that is. That was the single most glorious moment of my entire life. Boobs! Hehe.

Claudia brought out the first wedding dress. It was everything I thought I didn't want. It was strapless and had some cinching on the side that I just couldn't get behind. But I tried it on anyway. I had to dive into it. Literally. My mother tied the laces in the back, and I stepped out on the podium. I wasn't allowed to look at myself until Claudia had put the whole look together. She placed the veils, tiara, and helped with my shoes (they are flats so I’m not the jolly green giant on my wedding day). My mother told me I looked gorgeous. Claudia asked me details about the wedding and told me to envision myself there. Which I was desperately trying to do, even though it struck me that it was just a little cheesy. But when my mother, God bless her heart, starting humming the wedding song-than I had to bite my tongue not to laugh.



Claudia & Me Plus Some Strange Lady (who is she?) See the picture better here.
When I opened my eyes, I loved what I saw. I felt beautiful, just like a princess. My life long dream is to grow up and become a princess, so this was definitely a plus for the dress. At first I thought this dress was just in the running, but it didn't take me too long to decide I didn't need to try on anything else. Maybe I shouldn't have gone with the first dress, but when you know you know. Now I want to make sure not to gain or lose any weight, because I want everything to fit perfectly. Arm flab be damned, I found my dress.

Happy Inauguration Day!

One day I will tell my grand kids about this. Even if he wasn't my first choice, his speech moved me-and I have so much hope & excitement for America's future.

Ho Ho Ho Holy Smokes!

This has been a holiday season for the record books. First, I spent 5 nights alone waiting to join Adam in Wisconsin for the holiday festivities. In that time, I learned that I should never ever be left alone. Because A. I nearly lost the dog, B. I nearly burnt down the house, and C. I set off the Carbon Monoxide detector. A. was a situation that was truly not my fault, but it resulted in me not being on speaking terms with Sarah for a good half hour, and running down a busy street in my pj pants that Adam loving describes as my big bird pants. Ok, so that’s not a long time. But have you seen her? She is cuter than a baby hippo wearing a polka dotted dress eating a cupcake. And who could stay mad at that kind of cuteness? B. & C. are situations that were entirely MY FAULT, but they paint me in a very blonde light. So those are for me to know, and for you guys to never ever even come close to figuring out.

When my exile in California was over, the day came for me to fly to Wisconsin. There was no reason for me to be stressed out, except for the fact that I would be meeting my in-laws for the first time, with only 100 days to go till the wedding. So if they were big meanies or cannibalistic, there was no turning back because the wedding cake had already been paid for. Though honestly it is MY family that is nutso, and operates just like a three-ringed circus. What I didn't expect was a four hour delay at LAX, or the two hours sitting on the tarmac in Chicago. All of which can be blamed on Chicago. Damn Chicago (just kidding). And I certainly didn't expect to not get into Wisconsin until 2 a.m., or not getting to meet everyone until the next morning. Come morningtime I look more like medusa than the 22 year old bombshell that I am.


Snow in Wisconsin
I don't remember much about my first evening in Wisconsin. I do remembering repeatedly saying, "I am cold, I am cold." and "Oh, Snow!" I recall being shocked that no one woke up as Adam hauled my heavy suitcase up very, very creaky stairs, cussing & knocking things over along the way. Then I lay awake wondering why Adam snores so much softer on the floor than in the bed, and wondering how I could get him to sleep on the floor at home. (whilst secretly hating him for being asleep, when all I could do was toss & turn). The next thing I know Adam was literally pushing me downstairs so I could meet his family, because I was content to hibernate upstairs till it was time to head back to the airport. But I got along with his family just fine. I told his dad that his house was cute, and apparently you don't say things like that about a man's house. But it was painted baby blue, so how that could not be classified as cute?

I got lovely gifts, and Adam got so many sets to add to his Lego collection that I thought his heart was going to explode from the joy of it all. And I learned the definition of love is spending two and a half hours deconstructing Lego sets so they will fit in your fiancé’s tiny carry on bag. TWO AND A HALF HOURS. How many women would do that for someone over the age of 5? Especially since they would have fit in a regular sized suitcase, but no Adam won't pay the $15.00 fee. So he packs about two pairs of pants and one shirt, and washes everything everyday. Oye men.

Then the day came to head back to California, which should have been a simple process. But when we woke up everything was coated in fog. But we headed to the airport optimistically, oh how naïve we were. Adam and I were booked on separate flights, and his was canceled. They couldn't get him out till Monday.... But he was calm about it, and all he could say was, "If the Green Bay Packers lose tomorrow, than that is it." He has his priorities in check, people. The airline assured me that my afternoon flight to Chicago would take off as planned. I hugged & kissed Adam goodbye, and wondered if our house could possibly survive me home alone a few more days. But the airport lied. There was a winter storm brewing in Chicago, did I mention before Damn Chicago? So we ended up staying a few extra days, and luckily got to fly out together and even sit with each other. Which means I got to bug Adam the whole way home! We even landed in Chicago; apparently Chicago exists if you believe it exists. But still damn Chicago.

On Politics

This will be the second election that I've ever gotten to participate in. The first one I was fresh out of high school, and I spent the whole evening pacing the dormitory halls. But it was fun and important, and I've never forgotten that feeling. I'm equally as excited about voting in this election. I haven't talked much about politics on my blog, just because I haven't wanted to step on any toes, and I know most of my friends feel differently than I do. I'm not writing this to campaign, or change any one's minds. I'm just documenting my choices on my blog, so way in the future; I can look back and see exactly what I was feeling at this important time.

I was blessed with having the opportunity to see Obama speak last year at my college. It was a once in a life time experience, I'm glad I got to have. He presented himself well, and is extremely smart & charismatic, and I do admire him. That being said, I’m voting for McCain. Do I believe that Obama would be the anti-Christ or a horrible president? No. Does this mean that I'm anti-abortion or anti-gay marriage? Not at all. Does it mean I think Bush was a great President? No I don't. All it really means is that I've studied the facts and more of my personal beliefs line up with McCain’s. This was not a process I took lightly. It took much time for me to finally decide, and I haven't waffled since.

Voting Republican while living in a sea of Democrats has been a very interesting experience. I basically keep quiet, because I don't think they are completely wrong or I am totally right. I hate confrontation anyway, and hotheads never get anywhere. Heck, even my husband-to-be is voting Obama. I've been very proud of us, we’ve never had one cross words about it. We talk about what we believe & why, and just respect that. Tonight we read through all the propositions together, and talked about why we were voting this & that (If you are in California, Vote No on Prop 8), and I feel like if we can respect each other through this, we can deal with just about anything.

I don't think McCain will win tomorrow (although he has made significant gains these last few day, so it is is plausible), and sure I will downtrodden. But even if Obama wins I don't believe the nation is going to fall apart, and no matter what you believe, who you vote for, or what happens. Just being a part of an election with such a historical turn out, is something to be proud of. So Go Rock The Vote and God Bless the USA.

731 days

As of yesterday Adam and I have been "officially dating" for two years, although we spent eight years before that talking about dating, and not doing it. Mostly because I am a procrastinator and he is a planner, who is afraid of change. You put those characteristics together and nothing may ever get done again. But it has absolutely NOTHING to do with that time I ran off to New Orleans with that boy I hardly knew when Adam and I were in the "talking stage.” Adam said it was a stupid move, but at least he didn't say I told you so, when he abandoned me on Bourbon Street.

Last summer is when I decided to move in with Adam. Even after that first weekend of that summer that I spent with him, when he turned to me and said, “I just realized this means you are going to be around all the time." I immediately burst into tears and cried," You don't loooooooooove me, you'll never marry me, and I'm going use my emergency credit card and fly home." I don't think that was an overreaction, nor was I making a scene considering we were at cold stone creamery. After that, I guess he really does love me.

The choice was not an easy one; I was raised in a Southern Baptist household. I always planned on waiting until marriage to move in with anyone. On top of that, my psychology class covered statistics on cohabiting couples and it wasn’t pretty. There were things I needed to happen before I could jump into all of this. I wanted to graduate first, I wanted to be engaged & have a wedding date set, and we wouldn't sleep together until after marriage. This is not something I suggest for other people, it just works for us. I've had sex before, but Adam is a virgin. Sex fucked a lot up for me in the past (no pun intended or all pun intended). So I just wanted to have something to look forward to on our wedding night. It has been difficult, but we've stuck to it.
Living together has made me learn a lot about myself. I realize I have a terrible tendency to believe the way I do laundry or the way I do dishes is the “right” way. Sometimes I have to physically remove myself from the room so I don’t hover over his shoulder and systematically destroy our relationship. Adam repays me for this sacrifice by always putting down the toilet seat. Although I’m starting to get suspicious that he just sits down to pee. But I won’t ask because there is some things that even the closet couples really don’t need to know about each other. He also keeps his comments about my TV habits mostly to himself (because you know Gossip Girl & Grey’s Anatomy are incredibly enriching ways to spend my free time).
It hasn’t been the easiest four months. There was unemployment, money problems, missing my family & friends, my intense fear of the freeway, and me questioning if I could ever really feel at home in California. But through it all, we have always been there for each other. And even though on occasion I’ve thought California life may not be for me, I have never stopped being excited every time Adam walked through the door. That alone makes it all worth it. Everyday I feel a little less like a fish out of water, and more like this is where I’m supposed to be.