I Speak of Him So Lovingly

A few weeks ago I told you about how Adam snores like an elephant with a cold, and how it would disturb my sleep. I whined about how I would find myself getting mad at him, which of course means I'm just a mean old hag (because he can't help it). Because of this Adam ultimately decided to go and do a sleep study, and he was diagnosed with sleep apnea. They discovered he stops breathing 83 times an hour, probably caused by his tongue blocking his airway. I When I first heard this I giggled because I was imaging that his tongue had a personality with a murderous streak. I bet its voice would sound a bit like Stewie Griffin from Family Guy.

Then I started to realize how many times per hour that really is. If I had ever properly learned math, I would convert that into fraction form, and you would not only be impressed by my mad skillz, but you would also see why I started to freak out. So in the days immediately following his study, I was constantly listening to Adam's breathing. In the rare moments he was not snoring, I was convinced he wasn’t breathing and might not ever breathe again. Which was a really terrifying thought, because I'm not even on his life insurance policy yet. I thought about pinching him just to make sure he was breathing. But somehow that seemed counterproductive, although at least we would both be getting a terrible night's sleep. And that seemed fair to me.

Finally Adam was given a sleep mask, which is designed to keep his airways open by shoving oxygen down his throat. This is ultimately a better solution to his snoring than the one I had come up with, which involved smothering him in his sleep with my pillow (but both are equally effective). So now it looks and sounds like I'm sleeping next to Darth Vader-and if the TV is on it emits a blue glow over him and he could be mistaken for E.T. But it is absolutely amazing how much better we both are sleeping.

In the mornings, Adam has always rushed across the room to turn off the alarm to keep it from waking me up. But now when the alarm goes off, I can sense him freaking out as he realizes the mask is going to slow him down. So he noisily rips off the mask, bolts out of bed, and stumbles across the room grumbling LOUDLY. All of this is so much more annoying than the actual alarm. I finally had to say, "Honey, when I was in college the very first lesson I learned was how to ignore an alarm clock. So for my sanity please RELAX!"

365 days ago (give or take):

Before I even realized what was happening, he was on one knee with the ring. And telling me we should grow old together and how he never had been surer of anything in his life.

I actually got engaged a year ago today. It feels just like yesterday. I just realized we got engaged on the ides of March. Oh Lord.