The Job Fair Adventure

In my quest to make sure I don't end up holding a sign that says will work for food, money, or a chance to see Jonathan Rhys Meyers naked, I decided to attend a job fair today. To say I'm nervous does not even begin to cover it. I guess interviews are nerve wracking to everyone but for someone afflicted with the crazies like me, the fear is multiplied 10x.

I had gotten a killer dress the other day from Lane Bryant for such an event. And I have to show a picture of this dress, because I've become such a clothes ho' since I've embraced my curves. Because fabulous and fat is no longer an oxymoron.

But because my stuff from the move is still a mess, I could not find a matching pair of shoes. So extra early this morning I headed to target in my dress, make-up, and PINK flip flops. And let me tell you, it takes a special kind of person to rock that outfit, and let me assure you I AM THAT KIND OF PERSON.

I picked out a cute pair of black flats that were on clearance, and I'm so happy that flats are in style right now. Because while I love high heel shoes, and have had some pairs that I would have married if it were legal, I'm about as graceful as the jolly green giant. Face planting it a few times at church is not so bad, but face planting it at a Job fair might make the employer feel you are not worth the insurance risk.

After I checked out at Target, I took the shoes into the bathroom to put them on. I literally had to gnaw off the strings holding them together with my teeth. Everyone who walked in gave me funny looks, and I'm sure they thought I was stealing them. But I finally got them on, and decided I was looking smoking hot.

It took me a while to find the Holiday Inn, and to be honest I thought maybe if I couldn't find it, I wouldn't have to do this. And that would be fine with me. But I finally found it, and I was shocked by the number of people who were there. And to be completely honest, I walked out once, and decided I would just tell people I went. They wouldn't know the difference. But I knew if I didn't give it a whirl, I would never forgive myself.

So while waiting in line I kept reciting thw mantra. "They Can't Eat You. " This is something that my grandmother told my mother as a child, and my then mother told me. Yes it's absurd and a little silly but it's true. No matter what happens, they can't eat you.

None of the jobs were really up my alley. Mostly insurance companies. But I'm glad I went because I needed to push myself. When I got home, there were two messages about job interviews. I won't say the name of the companies, because if I got the job with them, I wouldn't ever want to risk getting dooced.

The woman I talked to seemed nice, and was enthralled by my southern accent. I have to police myself when talking to her, because when someone comments on my accent it tends to get more pronounced. I guess subconsciously I just feel l like I have to represent and give them a show. So when they go home the can say, "Everything they say about those Southern Girls? It's absolutely true, dag gummit."

So I set up an interview with one of the companies for tomorrow. It's about 22 miles from here so I'm going to leave extra, extra early. Because right now I'm a terrified of the freeways. Well, at least I'm terrified of merging. I know I'm going to have to get used to this, but until then I'm pretending these new finagled road DON'T exist.