Friday, August 20, 2010

On the Upswing

Hey Guys, I feel I've been a little MIA from blogging and commenting lately. As many of you know I have some depression and anxiety issues, and I take medication. A few months ago, I kind of started to lapse on my medication. Once you take something so long, sometimes it becomes easy to forget. Sometimes when I'm feeling good (on medication), I start to question the severity of my depression. I start thinking I might be over dramatic, maybe my depression issues aren't so bad. And then a few weeks ago, depression knocked me over the head with a two by four.

I would definitely say my anxiety issues are worse than my depression issues. Anxiety definitely makes it hard for me to get out and do things, but when I'm not depressed, I have the strength to solider on. But depression robs me of all motivation and tenacity. Recently, I haven't wanted to do much of anything. My motivation has been zapped, my body aches all over, and just the thought of leaving the house sounds exhausting. School has been killing me, everything makes me cry, and I'm irritable with everyone. There have been lots of, "Honey, What is Wrong" moments. But I've restarted my medication this week, and today is the first day I'm starting to feel like me again.

In high school, before I started attending therapy, I never wanted to do much of anything. I didn't have many hobbies, didn't like to go out all the much, and just didn't have much of a life. I didn't know at the time that the tiredness and lack of motivation were my main symptoms of depression. Once I started medication, I started to love to hang out with friends and do creative projects. I became a new person. And it is the happy Brittany who loves to blog, design, scrapbook, and be goofy.  And even though I will never like the idea that I will probably always have to be on medication, I accept the fact that my happiness should be the most important thing in my life.


  1. Hi Brittany,

    I've been reading your blog for a few months and I find you so hilarious and also totally relateable -- I have battled anxiety for 5 yrs now and have just barely found doctors and a medication that seems to help. Keep on keepin' on! And I love your posts about your dog!


  2. Insightful post, Brittany. I am glad you are starting to feel like yourself. My mother and brother both suffer from depression. My brother had battled with a feeling of shame that he has to take medication..but, the fault of the depression does not lie within YOU, rather your biological make-up. So, he takes it now, but still does not like it and sometimes doubts that he really needs to..
    Anyway.. Hugs sweetie!

  3. Gosh, I so feel every word you are saying! I get the same way with my meds for depression, anxiety and panic attaks. I did this not too long ago and the feelings of withdrawl coupled with wanting to cry constantly was horrible!

    We both (and those like us) really need to realize that these medications put our brains right where they need to be. That we may not be able to be off of them. That they are what helps us, not because we are crazy, but because something in our heads and bodies just isn't doing exactly what it is supposed to.

    Deciding on our own that we don't need the meds or forget to take the meds is really a self inflicted awfulness.

    I have started taking all my meds at night. I place them right by my bed, next to my alarm with a bottle of water. I haven't even had a slip up yet! :)

  4. Oh honey I didn't realize you were going through a rough spell. I'm so sorry! My mom is manic depressive and she struggles with the idea of "always being medicated" as she puts it. She stopped taking it for years and self medicated instead and it was not pretty when she had an episode. She made the same choice you've made-that her stability and happiness were more important than stressing over taking a pill a day. Just think of it as how so people have to take a pill for blood pressure or something. It's not your fault-it's your body's hormones.

    I'm so glad you're feeling more like yourself. I hope you have a fabulous weekend and an even bigger lift to your spirits!

  5. I'm a little late to the party...can't seem to catch up on my blog reading and commenting since my vacation. I have known people who are in similar situations as you. And they too get to the point where life is good so why take the meds, only to realize that was why life was good before. Taking medication may not be the best case scenario for the rest of your life...but if you look at it that because of the medication, you are able to have a life...maybe not so bad?

    I want you to know, I enjoy your blog and how it makes me smile and laugh. I'm so happy you are in a good place now.


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