Thursday, July 29, 2010

Home of Wayward Animals

I just want to preface this entire post by saying I am not getting a second dog YET. I just didn't want to get you all ready for good news then have to let you down. I'd rather let you down gently, kind of like I dropped you on six feather mattress stacked on a pool filled with marsh mellows.

I am one of those people seriously lacking self-control; I think it is mostly due to my obsessive nature. I see a commercial for a piece of cheesecake, I want it. I mean really want it. I obsess and obsess and obsess over that piece of cheesecake, until I get that cheesecake. When I find something I want while shopping, usually a cute pair of shoes, it physically hurts me to walk out of the store without them. Although since I'm now broke most of time, it has become a lot easier! When I see a cute baby, I seriously contemplate stealing it, heck I'd even take a ugly baby at this point. When I see a cute man on the street, I jump his bones stare at him (Hey, I'm married not dead). And right now I want another dog.

You see recently my grandmother took a tumble. She is in her 80's and will probably never fully be back to her old self, as far as walking goes. She has a roly poly wiener dog named Gretta. Well if you want to be technical about it her name is Gretta Van Helene Berry. Gretta is probably the most anxious dog I've ever met. Loud noises make her shake, lots of people around her makes her shake, and if you go to pet her and you are standing up, she cowers. I love her because frankly she is my kindred spirit. I am just as socially anxious. And I too cower when strangers try to pet me. Gretta adores my grandmother and sits in her lap all the time. Unfortunately now she can't be with grandma like that because it is painful to have her sit on her lap, and it is hard to train Gretta not to jump on her. So the family is in the process of finding Gretta a replacement home and we are on the possibilities list.

We adopted Sarah from my brother after he lost his house and had to move into an apartment. Yeah, it wasn't easy convincing Adam to take in Sarah. Try convincing your husband WHO HATES CHANGE that a 100 lb golden retriever in a one bedroom house won't be a problem (by the way, Sarah has lost 20lbs since she moved in with us, my house is a doggy fat farm). Arguing with Adam about Sarah wasn't one of my prettiest moments. I think it is probably the only time I've wanted something in my adult life that actually made me cry. And it wasn't like I was fake crying, I was really heartbroken at the thought of not getting her. Eventually he relented and one Saturday we drove to Phoenix and picked her up from my brother, and the rest is history. He adores Sarah, I adore Sarah (almost to the point of sickness), and it made us a family. Do you just cringe at the cheesiness of that statement? Since getting Sarah, we have joked that our home is part of the family pet relocation program or a home for wayward animals.

When my mother asked me if I would like to have Gretta, I decided I really did. But I dreaded having that talk with Adam. I would rather relive that painful conversation I had with my mother in high school, when she said and I quote, "You can't have sex, but you can still do the OTHER STUFF." Being that our "Sarah" talk was probably one of the hardest conversations Adam and I have ever had, I was too chicken s*** to bring up Gretta face to face. So I did what chickens and bad boyfriends and girlfriends who want to break-up with someone have been doing for about a decade, I sent him an e-mail at work. Thank God I live in the age of e-mail; I get so many uncomfortable tasks accomplished that way. In college, I would send an e-mail to my mother when I needed money or bounced my account (I used to be HORRID with money), so I wouldn't have to tell her on the phone. And then I would dodge her e-mails for days until she was no longer mad at me. I'm such a wimp, I know it. But I have a chemical imbalance, I can't help it. Right?

The e-mail to Adam was peppered with "just hear me outs," "I promise I won't cry this time," "I won't hate you if you say no," (although I totally would), and "I promise there are no more animals left in the family to adopt." He fired back with "how will we afford her," "Is there no one else who can take her," and "I don't want to walk two dogs at once." Then I promised he wouldn't have to do a thing, I would do it all. This is exactly what I did for the first few weeks when we first got Sarah, before he decided he wanted to pitch in. But that tactic made me feel like a 5 year old bargaining with my mother. "Please Mommy, I want a puppy!"

Eventually I agreed that we wouldn't revisit the issue unless a home could not be found for her. And I know married couples are supposed to make mutual decisions and compromise and blah, blah, blah, blah. But I still really just want Gretta. Like really want Gretta. So while I think Adam made some really good points, it hasn't stopped me from dropping hints about my true feelings. Sometimes in the evening I talk in Sarah's voice (you know the voice you use when your voicing your dog's feelings, or am I the only one that does that? Tell me I'm not). And Sarah says, "Daddy, I'd really love a baby sister, Daddy." "Daddy, you'd love Gretta." "Gretta was my best friend when I lived in Texas." Then he rolls his eyes.

My other argument (or tool of manipulation) I'm using involves reality TV. All you guys out their in blog world know I love reality tv. I mean I LOVE reality TV. And Adam hates reality TV about as much as I love it. Sometimes he even employs headphones to ignore my TV habits. Sometimes when Sarah is sitting around the house goofily smiling for no reason at all, Adam will ask her what she is so happy about. I will usually reply with something like, "She is so happy because the Jersey Shore is on!" Then he mumbles something under his breathe about how he doesn't understand how people can like that crap and I'm like," Duh! I like it because it is crap!" It is just like watching a train wreck. But the other day, I told Adam that like him Gretta hates reality TV, so if we adopt her it will no longer be two against one, and together they have a better chance of regaining the remote.

That is a solid argument if you ask me. Yet, he hasn't budged. I don't know what will happen in the next few weeks, although I know what I want to happen. So who knows maybe Gretta will enter the Family Relocation Program and be here before I know it.


  1. Hahahaha... oh my goodness, we are such kindred spirits. Seriously, I nodded my head like a crazy person throughout this entire post. I hope you get your socially anxious puppy!!

  2. Awe I don't blame you I would want her to :(

  3. i'm willing to bet that she will be in your house soon. hahahahaha.

  4. I think you are gonna win this battle! (I love reality tv too, by the way...crazy mad love it!)

    I loved your blog design for Kristin so I wanted to come over and meet you. I like it here! :)

  5. Oh you know Adam is a big ol' softie. Gretta deserves a home for her adorable name alone. But do you think Sarah will be jealous? I used to have a playmate for Monkey but he got super jealous and peed on everything...then again boy dogs are gross like that. Hopefully Sarah will play nice, and they do know each other already. Good luck with Operation Get Gretta!


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