The Paper Anniversary

 

Today I have been married a year. I really can't even begin to explain how much that really blows my mind. Adam and I sometimes relive moments from our little, sweet, perfect for us, outdoor, spring wedding. There were the funny moments, like how everyone that went to the bathroom, got locked in the bathroom. Including our best man who was locked in the bathroom by the flower girl, who then left! Then there was the most aggressive "wedding cake in the face"" scene in the history of weddings.

But I really remember the sweet moments, watching him pace around nervously outside while the girls got ready upstairs, the way my heart was beating out of my chest right before the music started, and the moment I saw his face down the aisle. He still tells me how amazed he was at how beautiful I looked. I remember dancing with him to Feels Like Home, the song that describes how I feel about our relationship to a tee. And when we got to the hotel room, our friends had filled our room with rose petals, champagne, and the flower centerpieces from the wedding. I popped open the champagne bottle, and the cork bounced of the ceiling. And then we talked, laughed, and cried because we were so happy.

We have known each other for 11 years now, and not much in our history says, "Those two are going to get married someday." But if I'm completely honest with myself, I have to admit that I loved him even back then. It is a long and winding story, that one day I should tell. A story that to me really proves that if it is meant to be, it will happen.

When we finally decided to give this thing a go, for real, it was absolutely terrifying for me. I wasn't sure I even wanted marriage. I had never been exposed to a healthy marriage. Marriage was something that seemed to always end badly, leaving many hurt people behind in its wake. Even when we were first engaged and living together, I just wasn't sure if this was a smart choice. Some days my heart was all in, but my head was halfway out the door. If we had the tiniest of fights, I worried I was getting in way over my head. I was not a commitment phobe so much as a girl with a huge fear of divorce.

I can't say what exactly shifted when we got married. But something definitely changed. After the wedding, we went back the same routines. We went to work, we came home, we did the same things we had done for the last year. But it just felt so different. I stopped questioning, I felt more safe and secure than I had ever been. It was as if I finally understood what it meant to be quietly content with my life.

This morning I'm waking up in Washington D.C. on our long overdue honeymoon. We are about to head out to go paddle boating in the Potomac river surrounded by hundreds of Cherry blossom trees. And I can't help but sit here in awe about how rich my life has turned out to be, especially after all the heartbreak of my childhood. Girls like me don't always get so lucky. Time and time again I see girls who grew up with mean/abusive/absent fathers choose men just like their fathers. Hoping they can rewrite their own histories.  But I found a man that is the exact opposite of my father. I don't know how I got here, or why I deserve this happiness, but I'm just so thankful.

If you can find the one person who loves you for who you are, doesn't try to change you, and puts up with all your bullhockey.  Marry them and don't let them get away.