I feel like my life has been going a million miles an hour since I started the great grad school adventure. In some ways it is completely awesome, and in other ways its like I saw a oncoming train and thought, "gee, let's see what would happen if I jumped in front of it!" When I graduated from college and moved 2,000 miles away from everything I've ever known, I was pretty naive in thinking it was going to be a big old piece of pie. I thought because I had a degree I would get a job right away and live happily ever after and be financially secure for life. (OK I wasn't that bad, but a little like that).
But it just wasn't that easy. It might have been different had I not graduated into this economy, but my job search stretched on for months and months, with one disappointment after another. After a while it really started taking a toll on my self esteem. And because I wasn't working or going to school, I had no built in methods for making friends. And more than anything, I missed having friends. I've never considered myself an extremely social person. In fact, I have a lot of social anxiety. When I first started therapy, I was diagnosed with social anxiety, before we determined that I was mainly just scared of life itself. But over the years, I have managed to develop a lot of close friendships with people who I adore and who are understanding of the fact it is almost physically impossible for me to carry on a phone conversation and sometimes I get to nervous to attend their parties.
So with all this stuff going on, I really started to realize I had to reevaluate my life plan a little bit.I also had to accept that this just might mean going back to school. I mean I really thought I was done with school. My mother wanted me to have a master's degree, but ummm to put it politely I couldn't have cared less. I wanted to know if there was life out there that didn't involve sitting behind a desk and trying not to fall asleep. But gradually it just seemed like a good idea to me, and I always wanted to become a therapist. So that is what I decided to do.
So here I am 6 months later with three classes under my belt, and busier than I have ever been in my entire life. Sometimes I think what the heck did I get myself into? But I actually love going to class, and even when its really hard, I'm so passionate about what I'm doing. And I'm really starting to make friends, and an even bigger plus I've made friends with a guy. I hardly ever make friends with guys, unless its someone one of my girlfriends are dating. I don't trust men, maybe because I have been hurt by lets say 95% of all men who have ever been in my life. So its a positive step for me.
What it boils down to is that I'm probably the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. And maybe its cliche and a little cheesy, but I do really believe everything happen for a reason. So just maybe, it was suppose to be so hard for me last year, so I could get to the point I am now.
P.S.-I'm leaving Saturday to spend a little time with my family for Christmas. My grandmother has dial-up, and I am way too impatient to deal with that. So I won't be around much, so Happy Holidays everyone!