Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Back at Square One

The other night my school gave this to me to sign, and I found it really funny. I know they were trying to use some kind of cheesy tool for motivation, but it seemed very kindergarten. I have to wonder though-is this a legally binding contract? The worst part is that I'm getting a MFCT not a MSFT. I can't believe I wrote the wrong degree! Oh brother. As you might have guessed from this picture or from my tweets, the other night was my first night of grad school.

I was really nervous the day before my first class, which honestly isn't that much different than any other day for me. I left the house two hours before class started even though it was only a 15 minute drive. I was convinced this would be the one time that my GPS failed me. I would not get to my class on time, and this would make me ultimately flunk out of school. Adam would divorce me because I was a big fat loser, and I would become a hippy nomad, who never ever got to see an episode of The Real World again.

Because of my zealous over planning, I was naturally the first one there. So I got to watch everyone as they came in. I then started playing a little mind game, “Do they look smarter or dumber than me?" I don't usually play games like this, I rarely judge people in my everyday life. But when you are feeling like one big fuzzball of inadequacies, insecurities, and feelings that you may be about to derail your life, IT HELPS. Err it helps until person after person looks like they could be rocket scientists, and it makes you feel like you should give up on life right then. But finally someone walks in that you could possibly beat in a spelling bee, and for a brief moment everything is OK.

Of course most of my anxieties about class turned out to be silly, but isn't that the story of my life? I waste entire days worrying about everything that could go wrong, and none of that ever happens. And even though I'm relieved nothing bad happened, I kind of wish it had, so my crazy irrational side could finally turn to the sane side of me and holler, "I TOLD YOU SO."

My first class in some ways made me feel better about the next three years and in other ways worse. It is going to be a long, long road definitely, but it is something I feel that I can handle. "Anything worth having comes with trials worth withstanding..."
365 days ago (give or take):
The best thing about being rich would have to be that you are no longer considered “weird.” When you are rich they just call you “eccentric.” So I could walk down Pacific Coast Highway with my underwear on my head, and no one would put me in a straight jacket.
I had a tag on my toe.


  1. Awww...good luck with grad school. "When your dreams are higher than the mountains and your commitment is deeper than the sea, surely your future will be brighter than the sun."

  2. Yay you've taken the plunge, that is so great! What exactly is your MFCT? And I know what you mean, I always used to do that in college: look around and think, oh my god are all of these people smarter than me? Lol! I think it's great you're going back to school.

  3. You are going to do GREAT!! Better to be early than late, right?? well.. obviously.. or you wouldn't have left 2 hours early.. LOL!

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