Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I loved college. The excitement of being hundreds of miles away from anyone or anything I had ever known. I lived for the all-nighters, the $5 dollar pitchers at Tampico Bay, and the novelty of having all your best friends living on the same floor as you (Kincannon 5th floor Misfits Unite)! I finally had the freedom to go anywhere at anytime without ever having to ask my mother for permission. Although many times after those late night rendezvous, my mother would see a time stamp on my bank account, and tell me that all the murderers and kidnappers in Mississippi were out at 3 AM in the morning! Didn't I know better? My reasoning "Fat People are Harder to Kidnap” could not spare me from her lectures.

I learned a lot in the classroom and had some wonderful psychology professors. Like Dear. Dr. Roth, who tried to explain the way our brain categorizes objects by saying, "Some Fruits are Fruiter Fruits than other Fruits." Amen Dr. Roth! That makes perfect sense to me. But I also learned several things out of the classroom: donuts taste better at 2 a.m., I'm fly paper for freaks, Dolly Parton's boobs are real, and you must say you are going to bed two hours before you actually want to go to sleep. Most importantly, I discovered you can share who you really are and people will love you anyway.

As much as I loved college, when I graduated a year ago I was more than ready to get out of there. I got my diploma, loaded up my Honda, and Adam and I headed off to the West Coast. I thought it would be easy to find a job. I was a college graduate! I was moving to the big city! I had work experience! I clean up pretty nice! Oh I wish I could go back in time and slap that naive girl around just a little bit. I graduated at the beginning of the recession, and it took me five months to find a job. Those months were really hard, and I felt extremely pathetic almost all the time. I wondered if my four years of hard work were absolutely meaningless. I finally have a job that I love now, even if I don't always get the hours I need. Still it is not my dream job.

I started counseling as a young teenager, and my therapist changed my life for the better. She is a big reason why I'm sitting here today. And since that time I have dreamed of becoming a counselor myself. Maybe it is cheesy, but I really want to change someone's life too. I kind of lost sight of my goal in the last few years, because I was so burnt out on school. But the main reason I put my dream on the back burner was because I was afraid. I was afraid to take the GRE, afraid of the acceptance process, and afraid I wouldn't be able to handle the work load. Mostly I was just scared to really want something, because what if I fail? But I’m so sick & tired of fear controlling every aspect of my life. I'm at a point where I'm just having to accept that my anxieties are always going to be with me, but I can't let it stop me from doing the things I want to do. Otherwise my whole life will be full of regrets.

So I did something about it, and tomorrow afternoon I'm meeting with a representative at a University out here, so I can look into getting my Masters of Science in their Counseling/Marriage, Family, and Child Therapy program. I am completely freaking out, and extremely excited at the same time. Adam is taking a few hours off work to go with me & support me. If you had told me a year ago I would be headed back to school, I would have called the little men in white to haul you off to the mental asylum. Oh what a difference a year can make.

365 days ago (give or take):

They gave me my food for free. How completely awesome is that? My life is complete, I can die now

I still believe that this is the meaning of life.