The Hermitage

Tonight Adam is in a bed 15 miles across town, where he is being observed by a team of professionals while he sleeps. I imagine when he comes home he will be able to give me a blow by blow of exactly how a lab rat feels. For a few years now, we've been pretty sure that he has sleep apnea. I have often noticed him gasping for breath in the night, something that absolutely terrifies me. But worse than that is his snoring. I don't mean your average everyday snoring. I am your average everyday snorer. I snore as I imagine a ballet dancer would-politely & gracefully.

But not Adam, no he snores like a screeching, howling monkey. On a scale of 1-10, he is a 35. I find it nearly impossible to even hear the TV over him (no matter what the volume). I admit that sometimes it’s hard to sleep next to him. On nights when I can't sleep and Adam is snoring on my right, and the dog is snoring on my left, I can find myself getting really annoyed. Then I feel guilty about feeling peeved, and that leads to a shame spiral that finds me with my head in the freezer, pigging out on Ben & Jerry’s (or it would if I could afford to keep Ben & Jerry’s in stock). It wasn't until my mother was here last week that Adam decided to do something about his condition. This thrilled my mom to no end, to have her future son-in-law take her advice! Because my brother and I don't always do so....

I’ve spent most of my evening alone taking care of the laundry, organizing things, and doing general house keeping stuff. And my sick, sad confession is I enjoyed every minute of it. Just strap me into that straight jacket now and call the men in the white coats! It actually reminded me of my college days (Did this confession just get more pathetic?). In college, especially my senior year, my roommate stayed with her boyfriend most weekends. So I would catch up on chores, drink contraband substances, and go to bed at 3:45 a.m. (because staying up till 3 is cool, but 4 always felt pathetic). Sure, I went to a few parties, I have lots of friends, but I've always been a homebody. Part of what attracted me to Adam, was that he is a homebody too.

We have friends here who are really social; they attend many parties, games, clubs, etc. They are always inviting us to do things and we almost always say, "no". We usually just hang out with them at our house. I'm sure they secretly think we are the most boring couple in the world. Maybe we are. But why would anyone want to go out when there is DVR, Chinese Take Out, and a Plump, Golden Retriever to snuggle up to?

I would like to take a social butterfly, put them in a glass jar, and poke & prod them till I figure out what makes them tick. But I’m pretty sure that is illegal in California, and I'm not ready to get up close and personal with a big girl named Sheila in the big house. Even in the name of science. So I guess that will just have to be something I never understand, right up there with why Ricky just can't let Lucy be in the show already. I mean its been over 50 years!