Have you ever seen my Big Fat Redneck Wedding? I hadn't until the other day, and I have to say it was a hoot. There was the most endearing couple who got on the "Puter," and ordered a size 28 wedding dress online. When it arrived, it was a size 8. Now if this was the show Bridezillas, fire would be shooting out of her ears, tears would be shed, and the President would have to be called in to respond to a threat to national security. But the rednecks were more level headed, and the groom said just take a deep breath and suck it all in.....you can imagine how that turned out. Eventually duck tape was suggested, and everyone could breathe a sigh of relief. CRISIS AVOIDED.
There are so many things brides-to-be can learn from this show. Like camouflage can be used for everyone in the wedding party. Orange, Green, & a little “yeller” make for fabulous floral arrangements. And that the true definition of shotgun wedding is that everyone brings their own shot gun. But I would not suggest wearing camouflage and bringing shotguns to the same wedding, because that could lead to a dangerous outcome.
Last week since I was in town, I took care of a lot of wedding details (Four Months To Go!). One of the big things I have to get figured out is the seating arrangements. What I had originally planned for the head table was just both of our parents &. grandmothers family wise. My mother piped up & said that my stepfather would not be happy if she was up their with my dad & he wasn't up there also. Seriously? Like my mother is going to fall for a man she divorced 22 years ago, over the course of a 45 minute dinner. But I don’t want anyone to get their panties in a twist, so I thought and I thought and finally announced I had the perfect solution. I was very proud of myself, and everyone was waiting for my brilliant announcement. I decided I could sit in between with my parents, and my stepfather could sit on the other side of my mother.
I sat there basking in my own genius, waiting for the handfuls of praise I had coming my way. Won’t they be awed by my sensible problem solving capabilities, I thought. My mother looked at me smiling and said, "You know usually the bride sits by her husband..." I had completely & totally forgot Adam was going to be there. Folks that does not bode well for our future.