There was a lot I was dreading about this holiday. Frankly the last few family thanksgivings have been pretty darn dreadful. Something about everyone being in town, everyone's opinions, everyone's problems, and everyone's ax to grind that made my sensitive, non-confrontational self want to hide under the covers till it was 2009. (Or Longer). So much jealously I've felt my whole life of the people in my life who appeared to have the picture perfect families. Even though I knew appearances are deceiving. But I knew I would come this holiday, I always come. Whether it just be out of love or plain old obligation. Because my gosh I do have so much love for this broken group of people.
The night before my flight I was anxious, if not a little down. I was slightly irritable throughout dinner and games at Dave & Busters. Adam couldn't come for work reasons, and I just wanted to stay in our peaceful cottage, with out peaceful routines, and loveable Golden Retriever. The peaceful life I've always dreamed about and finally have. But yet when the alarmed screamed at me at 4:45 A.M., I was calm. I gathered my things, and made it through the surprisingly easy traveling day. My grandmother picked me up at the airport, slowly people filtered in from every which way, and I remembered the things I do love. My beautiful little cousins and my teen nieces who I just wish I could make them see what I didn't at their age-there are so much more important things out there than boys.
Then today we all cooked, had too much food, and at the family prayer I just thought I do miss my life, but I'm glad I'm here. There were no fights or tears this year. No moments I thought I just can't wait to leave. Not that it was perfect, someone said some things to me to try and stir the pot. But I just remembered a silly statement from my childhood, "I'm a duck, and it all rolls off." And refused to give them the chance.
I do hope it stays this way, although I have no expectations, because disappointment is too swift a blow to keep taking. But if only for a day,I had a peaceful holiday,than that is enough.