Friday, November 7, 2008

Counting My Blessings

"There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. You're always ripe and ready to be taken." Charles Bukowski

The first time I ever heard that quote I was smack dab in my teenage years, pretty miserable, and I thought it was the most honest quote that had ever been uttered. One of my biggest faults is a tendency towards self-pity, when anything truly bad happens all I can really feel is that it just isn't fair. And I can run down the list of all the things that just haven't been fair: problems with my dad and his family, a tense relationship with my stepfather that I literally lived in a house with but we only spoke 1-2 words to eachother yearly, a drug addicted brother who I have watched systematically shatter my mother's heart, and not to mention that nasty predisposition to anxiety.

The truth is things have only gotten worse since last week, my brother is on yet another bender, and now my sister-in-law is pregnant, just as we were on the way to getting my nieces out of the house, and figuring out ways to make things better. It would be really easy for me to fall into deep worry, and wonder why these things keep happening to me & my family. But I won't, because I finally realized this is not my battle. I can be there for my nieces, and I can love my family, but my worrying & fretting won't change anything at all.

And it is even more important for me to remember that even with all the heartache I've had in my life, I’ve been given even more blessings. I have a wonderful, amazing, strong mother who is also my best friend. I am marrying a man, the only man in my life that I have ever fully trusted, and who I never have to hide anything from. Not even those tears, fears, or thoughts that are messy & ugly. Adam and I aren't rich, but we have enough to support ourselves and can treat ourselves every once in a while. I am the heroine of a plump, loveable Goldie who never fails to make me smile every single day. I've earned my college degree. I've gotten once in a lifetime opportunities to travel; I've stood in the castles of England, rode a Gondola in Venice, and walked the same streets as Jesus in Israel. I have friends all over this nation-St.Louis, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, and now California, and that isn't even counting the wonderful people I've gotten to know through blogging.

"There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. You're always ripe and ready to be taken." I still think this is a really honest quote, but what the quote doesn't say is that it can only ruin your life if you let it.


  1. That was an inspiring post, thought-provoking, and honest. You and your family are in my thoughts!

  2. Like what they said you are the captain of your own ship/boat or life!God Bless You!

  3. i will be thinking of your family right now. i'm sorry hon. and you're right-- there are many things to be thankful for.

  4. Awwwwwww, i hope things get better for your family soon but you are absolutely right. You do have many blessings and while you can be there for the family you can't solve their problems. I Love the quote too but your addition is far more meaningful.

  5. I am really sorry things are so rough right now.. I really am.. It is hard.. and there are no words that can make it right..I am sending hugs.. hope that helps..


I love comments, and I always read my comments. But sometimes I make a mental note to go comment back on your blog, and then forget to (Even if I’m an avid read of your blog, whoops). Since I'm so bad about this, I will mostly reply to comments in my comment section, so please check back! If you have something pressing to talk to me about you can e-mail me at


Design by Peachy Keen Design