Monday, July 28, 2008

Attend At Your Own Risk

Yesterday I received the contract for the historical home Adam and I are getting married in next April. A contract that covers everything you could possibly imagine, and is 10 times as long as War & Peace. To be honest, I can't really be sure the contract is longer than the book because I've never read War and Peace. I would like to read War and Peace just so I could say I've read War and Peace, and it would make me seem smarter by default. Maybe instead of reading it, I could just sport some horn-rimmed glasses and carry the book under my arm instead. It would have the same effect, and give me that hot librarian look that all boys drool over. But I digress, I really only skimmed the contract before signing it. I'll probably live to regret that choice when I discover that I just signed away both my kidneys and my first born child.

But I did read enough to find a passage that made me snicker. Basically it stated that if anyone died during the ceremony for any reason at all, they were not in anyway responsible. From a class I took, I know if it truly is the place's fault that someone gets hurt, that contract is going to worth about as much as a pre-chewed piece of game. But now for fun I want to ask everyone who arrives to please don't die today, because I cannot afford it. Or at the very least I could post signs around the fencing that said, “Attend At Your Own Risk." Not unlike the signs you might see at the city pool.

I've long decided I like the idea of wedding planning more than actually planning the wedding itself. It is nothing like it seems in the movies. It’s kind of like how I love the idea of fishing, but then bug out when I have to touch the fish. Which is why when I fish I always have my handy, dandy big brother around to unhook it for me. But I don’t think my brother could be too much of a help with my wedding. On a completely random note that has no bearing on what we are talking about at all, I eat fish as long as it doesn’t look like fish. Look at this fish a fellow traveler ordered when I was in Israel.

I just realized how hairy that guy was.

Wedding planning is hard for me because of my legendary indecisiveness. I can not make a decision to save my life. It has a tendency to drive my friends and family a little bit nutty. But they put up with me, because I’m perfect in every other way (ha!). I do have the basics of the wedding worked out: the date, the color of the bridesmaid dresses (clover), who the bridesmaids are, and the venue. But I don't know about the food, music, my dress, and how to tell my one friend who just assumed she is a bridesmaid that she is not a bridesmaid (ouch). How do you handle that without hurting her feelings? And you can say it is my wedding, and I shouldn't worry about hurting her feelings! But don't you know me by now? I worry about everything. Let's just call it Meta Worrying.
Don't worry this isn't going to turn into The SuperGoddess’s Foolproof Guide to wedding planning. But if you have one of those guides you can pass it along. Just make sure it is completely fool proof, because I’m a higher class of fool. I know I have about 9 months to get this done, which seems like a lot of time. But the way I procrastinate that is not that much time at all. I know I'll get everything done, I always get everything done. But I deal with my moments of FREAKING THE EFF OUT. Because that’s just how I do.


  1. I had this same problem at my wedding and I asked the girl to be a guest book attendant. Was that lame? It worked. Sha made sure everyone signed my guest book!

  2. I can't get past the hairy arm.

  3. as I am single and never face any problem such as yours I want to go with Annie got her a role that is semi important , they will never be any way that won't hurt her and your friendship.Make cer your co co ordinator making sure everything is alright at the wedding.

  4. oh my your braver than me for eating that fish. i couldnt have done it. i dont even like eating fish that has the skin on! and thats with no head or body fins lol


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