When Adam and I moved into the cottage we decided that our basic cable days were behind us. We were tired of having only a few channels, especially since half of them were in Spanish. So I've been watching a lot of TV lately, catching up on shows I had fallen behind on. I’ve mostly been watching the channel Bravo, since they have been playing non-stop marathons lately. Today I was watching Top Chief, and it occurred to me how very passionate these people are about cooking. And it is like that on most reality shows. Like them or not, you have to admit these people really know what they want. They know what they love, and are trying to make it to top anyway they can. And I can truly admire that.
So as my butt was forming to the couch in a potato like fashion, it occurred to me that I don’t have a passion. And this thought made me sad. I do have a few hobbies. I like photography, but I'm an amateur, and I don't want to make it a career. And other than blogging, watching bad TV, and playing The Sims 2, I don't have many other interests that I take seriously. Most of my friends know what they want in life. They want to be teachers, nurses, and screenwriters. And I hate it when people ask me what I want to do with my life, because I honestly don't know. And they give me that look, which says, “She went to college, and she still doesn’t know?” And I know that look well, because it is the same one I give myself in the mirror sometimes.
How do you find your passion? Do you wake up one day and just know what it is you want to do? Do you get out into the work field and then find that you either love or hate your job, and then it just clicks? I have never had any lofty career ambitions, except when I wanted to be a zoo keeper and a garbage man as a child. I like psychology but I don't want to be counselor. I love history but have no interest in being a teacher. And sometimes I wonder how am I supposed to find the perfect job, if I don't really have an idea of what I want in life?
After I graduated from high school, I went to college because that was just the thing to do. It was expected of me, and I do not regret going to college. I see education as important, and it gave me four years to put off making any important life choices. But now I'm here in the real world, and I would be lying to say I'm not terrified. What if I never find anything I am truly passionate about?
I often wonder if it is my anxiety that is really what is holding me back. I'm so afraid of failing or looking foolish, that a lot of times I don't even try. I'm terrified to really want something, because if I don't achieve it what will everyone think of me? I don’t want to disappoint anyone. And what if in pursuit of an goal, I realize that I'm actually just inadequate. This is really my biggest fear of all.
So I pose this question to you, my friends, what are you passionate about and how did you figure that out?