I Curse Thee Caligula!

This is one of those stories that I should be so embarrassed by that I shouldn't want to share it with the world. But as a child I was considered a tattle tale, so now I would like to continue on with that tradition by tattling on myself.

The first class I took in college was a World History class that was a requirement for all freshmen. In this class, I was confronted with the most handsome man I've ever seen in my life. And he just happened to be my professor, Dr. V. Pretty soon my universe was revolving around this man. I was like a St. Bernard with a bone, drooling in class with my tongue hanging out of my mouth. I never skipped his class! And believe me; I never had perfect attendance in any other class. Along with being completely shagable, he was truly a wonderful teacher who gave me a love for history that I still possess today. But really that's not the point of this story.

Maybe I had watched too many daytime dramas or nightline news reports, but I wanted Dr. V to notice me. No, I didn't expect to start a relationship with this man, but a girl with a crush just needs some attention, you know?

Anyway, one day during a lecture on Ancient Roman history, Dr. V told us about a movie that had been made about the life of this crazy emperor, Caligula. He told us that basically the movie played like porn. And it just so happened, that later that same week my dorm friends and I decided to take a little excursion. We had learned there was a pretty famous adult store in town. It was called Fantasyland, and ironically it was located on Hwy. 69, just passed the exit to Eatonville (I'm not kidding, you just can't make this stuff up). And being somewhat naive girls who just turned 18, we thought it would be fun to check it out. If only because our parents would totally forbid it.

So after trying on the 10 inch feathery heels, gawking with amazement at the double-sided dildos, and accidentally setting off the orgasm key chain, we wondered over to the porn section. And right there between Debbie Does Dallas, Boston and Key West was the very movie Dr. V had mentioned, Caligula! My fabulous professor was right, now I knew he was perfect.

I don't know if it was all the endorphins running through my body from being in the presence of Dr. V or the sleep deprivation caused by being a first year college student, but I decided it would be an inspired idea to tell him about my find. He would know I was paying attention to his lectures, and this had to be worth SOME brownie points. So after class, I sauntered up to the object of my affection, and told him that I had seen the movie at the sex shop. And then he asked, "Why were you at the SEX shop?" It then hit me; I had just told my professor that in my spare time I visit sex shops. He didn’t know it was just a one time deal. I stumbled over my next few sentences before bolting out the door. But not before running into the desk in the far right corner.

To this day, I don't know why I told him that. But I'm sure he noticed me from then on out. I took one more class with him, before he transferred to another school after he married a student from my school! If I knew that had been an option, I would have tried harder. I have never had a crush of that magnitude ever again. I don't count Adam as a crush, because we actually dated. But this was just one of those what the fudge moments in my life.