Bridal Shower Mayhem

All Decked Out

Last Sunday was my Bridal Shower, but most of my friends came in a day early so we could hang out and have some fun. All day Saturday everyone made me walk around wearing a wedding veil, a garter, and a pin that says, "I'm the Bride." (Watch out guys that look will be appearing on the Paris runways in no time) . No one seemed to notice while we were in David's Bridal, but in Best Buy I really started getting some funny looks. I could tell everyone was thinking, "Don't make eye contact with the crazy lady, oh god don't make eye contact with the crazy lady, OH NO the crazy lady is making eye contact WITH ME " I was adjusting to looking like a Ms. Havisham wannabe, when my mom started going around yelling, "Help! My daughter needs a husband...... and she has a huge dowry." Oh mother dearest how I love thee.

The Girls

That night we decided to go eat at P.F. Changs which just happens to be in a fancy, smancy part of Huntsville called Bridgestreet. You see Bridgestreet likes to pretend it is Venice, and it even has gondolas & gondoliers. But the gondolas weren't running, because they had drained the water for cleaning. If they really wanted to be Venice, they would never clean that water. Because when I was actually in Venice, I remember wondering what would happen if the boat tipped over & I was hurled into water-would the bacteria make me radioactive? Or at the very least would it give me the plague?

Clark, Moe, and Jenny at the Bar

You can not make reservations at P.F. Changs, so my mother and a family friend went on ahead of us to put our names down on the list. By the time we got there, we still had an hour and a half long wait in front of us. So what can 14 people in their early twenties do to pass the time? Hit the bar of course! We all crowded into the bar, compressed like a can of biscuits. The problem was we kept getting in everyone's way (or I should say the manager's way). He kept telling us we were fire hazards because we were blocking the exit door. Which was silly-because if a fire broke out we would no longer be blocking the door, we would be high tailing our assess out of there.

The Duck!

The manager had just gotten on to us for the 100th time, when I turned around to smile for a picture, and my gangly elbows knocked a glass off the bar. It shattered. My first thought was Praise the Lord, that wasn't my fabulous drink, and then OMG the manager is going to kill us now. However that kicked the manager's butt into gear, and he said he was going to get us a table. Five minutes later we were seated (an hour and 15 mins ahead of schedule). He said it was because I was getting married tomorrow (I was still wearing the veil). I didn't have the heart to correct him. Ok that’s a lie, I just wanted our table! Plus we all knew it was not because of my impending marriage, we were just annoying him. So lesson learned-be as obnoxious as possible & get seated right away! By the way, pictured above is a duck. Not only a duck but the VIP duck. This very important duck parties harder than all the other ducks combined!

Ana's "Apples"

A few cocktails, and one huge meal later we waddled (and I do mean waddled) down to the chocolate crocodile for dessert. I have never seen so much chocolate in my entire life. There were pinafores and cheesecakes and cookies Oh My! But best of all they had many different flavors of dipped apples (like caramel apples). I bought a white chocolate dipped apple covered with sprinkles (I would have taken a picture of it, if I wasn't so busy guarding it with my life). Seriously- anytime I would lose sight of my "precious," I would demand to know the whereabouts of my apple. And as the night progressed and I got even tipsier, I was losing it all the time, so I kept yelling, “Where’s My Ball?” I wasn’t even trying to be dirty. Gosh, I'm such a fat kid.

Austin & Jana

Earlier in the evening my friend Anna told me that our other friend Ana (are you confused yet?), that she wanted to buy me some lingerie from Victoria's Secret. I told her, "oh how cute, how naive, she thinks us big girls can fit into things from Victoria's secret." LOL. And as my friend's boyfriend, Austin, helped me decide between appletini or juiced berry scented body lotion (a totally heterosexual activity), Ana actually found a thong in my size and surprised me with it later. When she gave it to me, I immediately put it on my head because isn't that what thongs are made for?

Lark Hula Hooping

The party continued back at the hotel, because we had stopped by the liquor store so as Austin put it, “The designated drivers could catch up.” We decided to break out the Wii fit, and mostly played the hula hoop game-which was a blast. The game cracks me up because when you mess up, the avatars on screen act as if you killed their puppy. Clark, my friend's boyfriend, got up there to hula hoop and I will never forget it. He twirled & twirled with his hands on his hip and believe me that boy's HIPS DON'T LIE. There was a moment while he was playing, that his girlfriend yelled, "I love you Clark!" There was a long pause, and finally Amanda piped up, "I hope that wasn't the first time you said that." Luckily it wasn't. I only wished I had taped Clark "Magic Hips" Hilton in action, so I could watch it when I am having a bad day.

Cheesin' it Up

The next day was the shower, it was at a country club, and we had a really relaxed time. I saw even more people that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I got a lot of great gifts, too many to name. And I got over my unwrapping gifts in front of people anxiety (which is right up there with my getting crushed to death in a revolving door fear). It was sad to say goodbye to all my friends, I have missed them all so much. But I realized how many people I have in my life that love me, I am truly blessed. However I left the alcohol I bought in Jana's car. Bummer. So when I got back to California I sent her a text that said, "Enjoy my booze you ho bag." The rest of the pics are on my flickr.

365 days ago (give or take):

And besides my “mood elevators,” how can I pay for the ER trips for all the ERASERS I'm bound to shove up my ear? Yes I did get an eraser stuck in my ear at 17. That is a long story that makes me look like a bimbo.

I worry about my impending loss of health insurance, and I compare my mom to Joan Crawford. I'm a WONDERFUL daughter. Plus best entry title ever.