Down & Out in Beverly Hills

A few weeks ago when my mother came to visit, we took the time to do some touristy stuff. So on Sunday morning Adam dropped us off at the metro station in downtown Long Beach and we headed off to Hollywood. We got off at the Sunset/Vine stop and tried to get a good view of the Hollywood sign. It was hard to find, so my mother asked a lady where the darn thing was. She was working for a touring company, and insisted that if we went to this place where they were offering the tours we could get a free map.

I was probably a little haughty with this lady, because I am always getting roped into things I don't want to do. I'm the winner of the Miss. Doormat USA pageant, and I am currently in the running for the Miss. Universe title. I don't even want to tell you about the time a few weeks ago when I got roped into buying $30 dollars worth of cosmetics. Just because the guy wouldn't stop talking, and I felt so pressured that it was easier to cave. Now I have $30 dollars worth of cosmetics I never use, that sit in the medicine cabinet mocking me, and reminding me that I have People Pleaser stamped on my forehead in hot pink neon colored lights.

Honestly they would have given us the free map, but the tour sounded really good-I mean there was no way we could see everything in a day on our own. So we thanked the lady, who lovingly called us, "Alabama." We did see absolutely everything Paramount Studios, The Clubs, and The Chinese Theater. We even took an accidental detour through a posh Beverly Hills neighborhood, I'm sure the residents were thrilled to look out and see a double decker bus, filled with people, gawking into their windows. At one point, a car below us yelled, "Show Us Your Boobs," and we shouted, "Show Us Yours First." Unfortunately no ones tatas made an appearance. But better than all that combined, we saw where Paris Hilton got her first DUI. I can die now, my life is complete.
Once our day was over, we got on the metro and headed back to Long Beach. Our plan was to call Adam, and then he would pick us up. Earlier in the day, I decided I wouldn't bring anything-since my mother had her money & cell phone. And I wanted to be "free." Somewhere between L.A. and Long Beach, I realized that by being "free" I had no way to contact Adam. My mom didn't have his cell phone number. So literally we had absolutely no way to tell him to come pick us up. I swear every time my mother and I go somewhere together, we get in all kinds of hijinks.
On top of that, Adam had told us to call ahead of time, because he didn't want us waiting around, because that station is in a bad part of town. Because being rational is not my specialty, I started freaking out. It was dark out, and we were not in a safe neighborhood. I could picture us getting mugged, and then the muggers would get mad at me for not having anything of value." So they would kill me instead (hey I've seen Law & Order). Then I would never get to wear my wedding dress, the one that gives me BOOBs, and to never be able to prove to people that I have boobs seems like cruel & unusual punishment. This is obviously the thought processes of a well adjusted young woman.

My mom has an iphone. So we started racking our brains for a plan of action. I hated to do it, but I looked up the numbers of my future in-laws. But Adam's phone is only a prepaid emergency phone, so no one had the number. I even tried to look up numbers of some friends of ours out here, but everyone was unlisted. As a last resort we called a cab, but we didn't have any cash. Finally, we were able to convince a cab company to take a credit card. But I'm not too observant of my surroundings, so I could only give them a vague idea of where we were.. The second we got off the phone, Adam called my mother. We barked at him to come get us, and hung up because we had to call and cancel the cab. Which we did, but that didn't stop us from hiding & feeling guilty when they drove by.

We only had to fend off a couple hundred advances from guys before Adam came and got us. The next day Adam's mother asked him if my mom and I had been drinking. No we hadn't been drinking; this is just what happens when two Ervin women try to GO ANYWHERE.

P.s.-Don't forget about the contest.