Pimps & Hoes

In college my friends and I spent many evenings playing board games, and one of our favorite board games was Pimps & Hoes. Pimps & Hoes is a lot like monopoly. But instead of being a landlord, you are a pimp from HoTropolis. The jail becomes a free clinic, and instead of acquiring property you buy high, middle, and low-class hoes.

It really is a fun game, especially if you like your game night peppered with a little bit of sexual innuendo (and I mean really who doesn't?). I always preferred the low-class hoes to the high-class ones. I just figured that no one had the right to decide who was a high-class hoe and who wasn’t. So I always treated all my hoes equally. My favorite hoe was a chubby, low-class, scantily clad girl named Precious. Everyone knew I loved Precious, and it was understood that if I didn't get Precious my head would spin around and I would start spitting out pea soup.

I was thinking of this game tonight as I was taking Sarah out for an unexpected walk. We always take her out twice a day, either around the neighborhood or to the dog park. But she was extremely ancy tonight, so around 11 I decided to take her out one extra time. I was already dressed for bed, wearing a rather skimpy pair of pj shorts & matching tank top. I didn’t think of changing my clothes because I had forgotten how busy our neighborhood is at all hours. I do free boob it on occasion, but I'm actually a pretty modest person. So I felt slightly embarrassed, and was constantly tugging down my shorts, as Sarah and I walked back and fourth under the street lights at Ralph's.

I paused on the corner, right under the street light, as Sarah sniffed around the bushes looking for any disease inducing discarded rotten pickles she could find. Pickles I would have to wrestle her for, and afterwards she would spend the rest of the night giving me looks that said “You Have No Soul.” While I was standing on that corner, a cop drove by, and I noticed that he glanced more than a few times in my direction. And just for a minute, I knew exactly what it was like to be Precious, The Low-Class Hoe.