As of yesterday Adam and I have been "officially dating" for two years, although we spent eight years before that talking about dating, and not doing it. Mostly because I am a procrastinator and he is a planner, who is afraid of change. You put those characteristics together and nothing may ever get done again. But it has absolutely NOTHING to do with that time I ran off to New Orleans with that boy I hardly knew when Adam and I were in the "talking stage.” Adam said it was a stupid move, but at least he didn't say I told you so, when he abandoned me on Bourbon Street.
Last summer is when I decided to move in with Adam. Even after that first weekend of that summer that I spent with him, when he turned to me and said, “I just realized this means you are going to be around all the time." I immediately burst into tears and cried," You don't loooooooooove me, you'll never marry me, and I'm going use my emergency credit card and fly home." I don't think that was an overreaction, nor was I making a scene considering we were at cold stone creamery. After that, I guess he really does love me.
The choice was not an easy one; I was raised in a Southern Baptist household. I always planned on waiting until marriage to move in with anyone. On top of that, my psychology class covered statistics on cohabiting couples and it wasn’t pretty. There were things I needed to happen before I could jump into all of this. I wanted to graduate first, I wanted to be engaged & have a wedding date set, and we wouldn't sleep together until after marriage. This is not something I suggest for other people, it just works for us. I've had sex before, but Adam is a virgin. Sex fucked a lot up for me in the past (no pun intended or all pun intended). So I just wanted to have something to look forward to on our wedding night. It has been difficult, but we've stuck to it.
Living together has made me learn a lot about myself. I realize I have a terrible tendency to believe the way I do laundry or the way I do dishes is the “right” way. Sometimes I have to physically remove myself from the room so I don’t hover over his shoulder and systematically destroy our relationship. Adam repays me for this sacrifice by always putting down the toilet seat. Although I’m starting to get suspicious that he just sits down to pee. But I won’t ask because there is some things that even the closet couples really don’t need to know about each other. He also keeps his comments about my TV habits mostly to himself (because you know Gossip Girl & Grey’s Anatomy are incredibly enriching ways to spend my free time).
It hasn’t been the easiest four months. There was unemployment, money problems, missing my family & friends, my intense fear of the freeway, and me questioning if I could ever really feel at home in California. But through it all, we have always been there for each other. And even though on occasion I’ve thought California life may not be for me, I have never stopped being excited every time Adam walked through the door. That alone makes it all worth it. Everyday I feel a little less like a fish out of water, and more like this is where I’m supposed to be.